Aug 7, 2010

lessons in matrimony.

happy saturday, bloggies!

well, i survived the end of the week! after thinking for 3 days i was going through animal-free detox symptoms, i realized, in fact... i had the stomach flu. duh.

but the upside is if you're considering going vegan, don't let my silliness fool you! you'll be fine, and i do plan on writing a post about that soon :)

also, i think i was a mostly successful bridesmaid yesterday (didn't trip walking down the isle!), but absolutely bawled my eyes out watching my freshman roommate get hitched. she was absolutely gorgeous - i'll snag some of pictures and post a few when she gets back from the honeymoon!

the reception was beautiful, too. outside and it didn't rain! i did realize something, though, that i thought was worth sharing. inspiration in the most unlikely of places, yes?

here's the deal - i was one of the only single people attending over the age of 10. and i think the 10-year-old had a girlfriend, actually.

a few years ago (ok, maybe more recently than that!), i would have been all kinds of embarrassed! i mean honestly, what's worse than being at a wedding by yourself, single, and not knowing a soul? weddings can be bad enough anyways.... i'm just sayin'.

picture this: i walk into the reception, all dolled up, put on my best smile, and gave positive, open body language. i'm not exactly an ogre, and i certainly have people skills... yet almost no one talked to me.

the younger me would definitely have taken this personally: am i not pretty enough to attract attention? do i look disinterested? am i not friendly enough? why does no one like me?

it might be glaringly obvious to you, but until recently, i was completely unaware i lacked confidence. you see, i thought i was a confident person! i had friends, i played sports, i even had a boyfriend most of my younger years! i thought i was doin' ok in that area.

but confidence is not how you respond to others. it's being at peace with who you are.

when other people were around, i could fake a smile, crack a joke, and dish out the compliments. but when i was alone, i couldn't hide that i hated myself. i hated my body, my skin, my dorky personality, my strict christian background, my clothes, my grades, my voice... yada yada yada.

i thought i gave off "happy vibes," but i couldn't shortcut self-love. until i was ready to cut the crap and embrace who i was, no one else could break down that barrier around my heart.

it's obviously much easier said than done - in today's world, we're pretty much taught from birth we're not good enough... because you can't be pretty without photoshop, botox, and gucci, right?

but at some point, you'll start to realize how empty false exteriors are. you can have the most expensive clothes ever made, but if you aren't at peace with the body underneath them, they're just pieces of fabric.

i could preach until i die that you are beautifully unique, but you've already heard that 109830843 times. instead, i want you do dig down and look at yourself - the most pure, naked, honest you. what do you love about yourself? what are you proud of? what makes you who you are?

make peace with those things. they are you. get to know your truly awesome self!

and the things you don't like? well, let's work on those. we are people in progress, and no one is judging you for not being 100% together at the ripe, old age of 25. it's not like they're perfect either!

the truth is, we all have issues. i don't think i'd be very comfortable around someone who didn't! but what impression do you want people to remember you for - that you hate your thighs, or that you have the most beautiful smile? that you're uncomfortable with your laugh, or that you're absolutely hilarious? if you focus on the things you love, others will be drawn to those things.

the battle here is won or lost in our own minds. if we dwell on the negative, we totally shut down our ability to shine. no one has the opportunity to experience who we really are, and that's a shame!

so last night, i met new people. i rocked my 4-inch-tall bridesmaid heels. i laughed at the ridiculously terrible toasts. i shamelessly flirted with bride's older brother (also single!).

what i didn't do? question why i was single. feel embarrassed. second-guess myself. think i wasn't good enough.

because i know who i am. i know my strengths and weaknesses. i know my purpose.

if you love yourself, you wouldn't treat yourself any other way. so going solo to a wedding? no big thing.

what are you confident about?
what could you love about yourself more?


  1. Great post, I enjoyed reading this because I am normally the single girl at weddings too. I hate it, although you remind me that is okay. I am me. I will work on my confidence!

  2. I haven't been to many weddings, but I used to have the same feelings when I went to dances or big parties in high school. There were some sweet 16 parties I went to that were like miniature proms (how ridiculous is that?) and I always felt stupid because I never had a date or anyone to dance with. Now looking back I don't see why it bothered me that much. I always had fun with my girlfriends and some of them didn't have dates either. I think it's just another stupid thing that society makes us believe- that we have to go to weddings and big events with a date or else we're a "loser."

  3. Great post! I am ALWAYS the single one, but as long as your personality is glowing, everything is alright :)

  4. good stuff, rebekah! it's almost like you're documenting all your metamorphoses, and changes while writing your blog. it will be interesting to look back on everything you've written in a couple years-just to see all the transitions and growth that occurred.
    i wonder what my blog would have looked like when i was 20! Gah-that's kinda scary to think about. LOL! It wouldn't have been like this for sure :)

  5. beautiful post!
    everyone always thought of me as the kind, sweet girl in high school and before. not saying that i'm not that person but i think you can be sweet and nice to others while also just hiding from the fact that you hate yourself, which i did. i used to be so embarassed that my sister always had boyfriends and i never did. especially because she's younger (20) and i am older (22). but now i am realizing like you said self confidence comes from within and loving yourself every single day and not constantly seeking the fulfillment of expectations or approval from others.

    i like the quote from eleanor roosevelt i think that says 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'

  6. Aw great post. I'm so glad that you didn't feel self conscious, and I love that one of the reasons you gave for that had to do with knowing your purpose. I just finished doing a post about that realization-the importance of finding some bigger purpose, and it was really cool to click over to your blog and see that idea affirmed. Enjoy your singleness. We're still young :).

  7. Rebekah.. I am in love with this post.

    I'm not quite sure how it happened but the things I don't like about myself have slowly disappeared. I use to HATE my thighs with a passion but now when I look in the mirror, I don't see something I hate but instead something I love. My thighs aren't huge and the only thing making me think so was the twisted thoughts from ED. What I'm confident about? My smile, my eyes.. myself. :)

  8. You are such a confident person whether you always think so or not. I could tell from the moment I met you.

    I'm confident in that I know I will give something my all, no matter what I think the outcome will be.
    I could use to be more confident in the accomplishments that I actually have made.

    Thanks Rebekah

  9. i used to feel really pressured when i turned 21 to 'have it all together' .. i felt embarassed that i hadnt gone to college yet, got my drivers liscence, or still lived at home. but as you wrote, no one requires you to have life all together at that age and luckily i ended up finding people who were similar to me even tho for awhile no one would admit they were similar and a lot of people lied to appear as if they had their life together.

    i hope ur feeling much better after having the flu. yea i would have thought 'detox symptoms' too naturally.

    xoxo <3

  10. I am confident on my views of healthy living and eating vegan. Also lol about the wedding, I am always the single one as well, I also have never had a boyfriend (nor kissed a boy shh no one has too know). I am still in love with my high school crush who was the only one who i talked about my ed with, but I was so way too lame and did not realize him "annoying me" throwing things at me etc..he secretly liked me oh yeah and on our senior trip to disney world, when he told me to call him so we can hang out and go on rides... I was too afraid too bc I thought he didnt really want to hang out with me. I think that was the last straw for him trying to get with me =\...we talked during freshman year of college than lost touch and he mysteriously was not my friend on fb anymore... Anyway I had to get that out bc I still think about him le sigh and laugh about how lame I was and wish I could see him in el future. But now I believe if things are meant to be I will see him in the future. I think I am pretty happy with myself now, and realize everybodys bodies are different and everyone is not meant to be a size 2,6 or 16!

    why am I leaving this pointless post? bc I just had to let that random story out, and know you would appreciate my high school lameness. I love how much I have grown :D


questions or comments about my thoughts?
feel free to share, and thanks for stopping by!