hey friends! i hope everyone is having a rockin' weekend. i got treated to lunch at the Whole Foods hot bar yesterday! definitely a highlight of my week.
so i'm finally sitting down to write something i've been avoiding for quite some time... and i don't like it one bit. as i've been alluding for the last month or so, my fibro is moving into a rather poopy place right now, and i've been struggling to accept that. i sleep most of the day, am having a hard time getting to classes, and just have no energy for anything. i'm not trying to whine - i'm really ok with it! it's frustrating, yes, but i'm learning to honor my body for what it is and praise God no matter what is happening physically.
not sure why, but i didn't take into account how draining the process of going back to school would be. in my mind, i think i'm still in denial about how limited i am - i'm 21 years old, for goodness sakes! but i forget that doesn't make me invincible :)
i also have had to own up to the fact that i'm completely wiped out emotionally. each day is an enormous spiritual and physical battle, and i'm struggling to handle it. i cry a lot, i wimp out daily, and i often forget how incredibly blessed i am. i'm realizing i need to allow myself to heal and just learn the lessons God is graciously teaching me - a skill i've never allowed myself to master in the past.
while i'm in this place, though, i don't have a lot to give to you guys... there's just nothing left! and you all deserve the absolute best and 100% of my attention. i won't settle with crappy posts and surface-y, feel-good discussions that don't challenge or encourage either of us!
the funny thing is, now that i'm sleeping all day instead of only 2 or 3 hours, i don't have the time to accomplish everything i want to... and one of those things is blogging. it absolutely breaks my heart because the connection i have with you all is one of the biggest blessings in my life. i seriously can't tell you how much you all mean to me! but right now, i have to get school done and help take care of my family first.
so please know, my heart is with you guys each and every second of the day. you all are constantly in my prayers and thoughts. i seriously wouldn't be who i am without your influence, guidance, and ceaseless encouragement, and i am incredibly thankful for that! i'm not sure how long i'll need to step away from blogging, but know that i absolutely love emailing you guys, and would be thrilled to hear from you - nelsonrr (at) mymail (dot) vcu (dot) edu. and i will try to stop by your blogs when i get the time, but know you guys are constantly on my heart. love y'all!
please keep in touch!
- rebekah
Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your condition right now.. because no one deserves a struggle like that. If it counts for anything, I think your attitude is absolutely amazing, and there's no doubt in my mind that God will ensure everything works out the way it's supposed to - He always does.
I went through a similar thing last weak (NOT physically at all.. I am in no way trying to undermine your condition, because I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through), when I was just losing faith and wallowing. It's so hard in the moment to believe that negativity will pass, but it will. Try to keep your chin up :)
I wish you the best of luck, and I can't wait until you return :) I am so lucky to have met you!
<3 Tat
Everything happens for a reason and I truly believe it. I'm not happy at all that you're not feeling well in the least bit, but I know that God will take care of you and there is a brighter time to look forward too.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry or feel obligated to blog, there are much more important things in the world, such as your health and schoolwork, that require the attention you're able to give right now.
I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through but I know you have the ability and strength to get through it. You're in my (and probably everyone's) prayers as well. I hope you get well as fast as possible and in the mean time give your body the love and care it needs. <3
Daniel
I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well. I want to give you the biggest hug! My thoughts are with you :)
ReplyDeleteur definitely being tested, and that can be so difficult to deal with. but ur a warrior, and ur struggles will pass. i definitely cant fully understand the fibro pain that u deal with but i feel awful that u have to deal with it in the first place. i pray that u feel better soon and not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. you need the extra boost <3 take care beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteOh sweet girl! I know exactly how you feel. It is so frustrating that "simple" things like going to class, doing daily chores, etc. can be such a struggle. Believe me, I know! It's not fair, but you are handling it so well by honoring your body.
ReplyDeleteOne thought to bring you comfort: your body has the capacity to heal. I'm sure, like me, you've burnt yourself in the kitchen once or twice. Haven't those burns eventually healed? That's because the body is capable of extraordinary things like healing, even though it may not always take the easiest path.
Stay strong Rebekah!
WOW girl. i am so so sorry. stay strong, you know the Lord is sharpening you through this. He can teach you a lot through times of brokenness like this! This is when you feel the closest to Him. You are in my prayers. KEep taking care of yourself girl- find your strength in HIM always!
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard post to read.
ReplyDeleteHard because, even though I know so very well it is imposssible, I do not want you to feel pain. It makes me cry to be honest - both tears of frustration, and tears of pride. Because you should be so proud of the attitude and power you express, the strength you carry with you through your challenges.
It makes me humble and amazed. It makes me feel so grateful to have you in my life, your heart and thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful self with us, it is a gift.
You have all my support, all my love and the deepest of respect.
<3
I am so sorry you are going through this...you are in our thoughts and prayers ; ) Take care of yourself, put yourself first!!
ReplyDeleteWell, until you're fibro leaves you alone I'll be emailing you and praying for you. :) I'm glad you're not pushing yourself and giving yourself plenty of rest because that's the absolute best thing you can do right now. And Rebekah? You are the strongest woman I know. Every time fibro hits hard, you'll come out of it even stronger than before.
ReplyDelete<3
Rock on, love! You are an inspiration and model of self-care and strength. Thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeletei can't even say thank you enough. you all are seriously sunshine in my day... sending a HUGE hug to all of you!
ReplyDelete-r
Awww, I'm sorry about your worsening condition. I was wondering how going back to school might affect you. :( I completely emphasize with being in denial about your limitations - I just spent 5 hours working (I can normally only do 2 before I start feeling crappy), and even though I knew my body would not be happy standing up for 5 hours I still agreed to do it because sometimes I convince myself that no, really, I'm okay and have no physical limitations whatsoever. ;)
ReplyDeleteJust take care of yourself. <3 (Oh, and obviously you're super busy right now and not up for it, but I'd love to have lunch with you again sometime. That vegetarian - it's actually vegan, despite the sign - restaurant we passed on the way to Target is apparently really good. :P So yeah, when you're feeling better and you have the time, or you're in the DC area anyway, hit me up. :) )
A big warm *HUUUG* from me to you. It sucks to hear that things aren't great for you right now but you're in my thoughts and my prayers. Remember that God only puts us through trials He knows we can overcome and I know that you are in His presence every moment of every day. Continue to lean on Him. Stay strong hun!!
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Oh Rebekah, what an exaggeration! This is most certainly not the worst post ever. It is your life, and your life is in no way a bad thing. You are doing what you need to do, for you, and that is important. That is the most important thing you could possibly do, and it takes a brave and strong heart to stand up for yourself and look out for yourself. Your health is of even greater importance than school, and if your school doesn't understand that then.. Well.. bad things will happen to them, I can assure you of that!
ReplyDeleteDo what you need to do, for you.
That's all you can do.
We will all continue to love you, support you, care for you and wish you well!
<3
Eleanor
I know you are always here for me and I know I reach out A LOT to you for help, so please please whenever you need ANYTHING, reach out to me! You can't always be a shoulder for others- you deserver the same support and I am here to give it you.
ReplyDeleteYou are always in my prayers- Thank you Rebekah!
P.s. I did eat it all tonight!
Thinking of you! Remember, it is OKAY to whine! Hope you feel better, I know how fibro is and your strength is amazing.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you, girl! I hope things get better. I love your positive attitude through everything. Let me know if you ever wanna grab coffee or dinner or something :)
ReplyDeleteGirl-you WILL get through this!! It sucks, it really does, and I'm so sorry for that :(
ReplyDeleteI have faith that God will comfort and strengthen you and use this to draw you even closer to Him.
Be blessed :)
I will miss reading your posts, but you definitely need to take care of yourself. You come first. Your posts have been inspiring the past few months that I've been reading. I hope to see you back soon.
ReplyDeleteRebekah, I am so deeply sorry that you are struggling right now, and are in so much pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is so tough being so young having to endure physical limitations like that, but at the same time being young is on your side, and I think you are a strong woman and will pull through it. I have seen people with fibro that have gotten it under control, so I am hoping you will be one of those people. Keep smiling on the inside, as hard as it may be...we are all thinking about you!
ReplyDeleteThanks again for your sweet and encouraging words to me, they meant a lot and made my day!
xxoo
I am so sorry to read this. Please know I am keeping you in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI Love you, thinking of you beautiful!
ReplyDeletetext you!
Dana xo
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete