"but rebekah," you say, "that's nothing special. that's your weekly deal."
ah yes, but today was a bit more, um, traumatic than usual.
walking back to the pool, i overheard a front desk employee screeching at some man for not swiping in properly. she probably shouted "excuseee meeeeeeee sirrrrrrrrrrr!!!" about 100,000 times, at the top of her squeeky, yankee little pipes. (no offense, northerners!)
you know how when you're at the store, and some kid yells "hey mom!," and everyone who's not a mom knida tunes it out? totally did that.
... until i realized she was talking to me. i was the sir.
after the excruciatingly long walk of shame back to the desk with everyone staring at me, i was more than embarrassed. and the whole time, she was chewing me out for "ignoring" her.
"what, do you think you're so special you don't need to swipe in? are you deaf? do you not respect people enough to respond when they speak to you?"
yeah, she went there.
and it took said yankee woman until i was at arms length to realize that i am, in fact, quite female.
you can check my bra tags to prove it.
yep, i'm a woman. since i was born. shocking.
but instead of apologizing for not only calling me a man, but also chewing me out for her mistake, she pretty much announced to the lobby, "oh, you looked so masculine with that hair i didn't notice you were female!"
then, after seeing my absolute horror, had the stones to try to counteract with a "well, you're much too pretty up close to be a man. nevermind."
well then, i guess i should be flattered. how shallow of me.
i totally felt ugly after this. like King Kong scary. and still kinda feel butch, actually.
the whole time i was swimming, i was so self-conscious. like, maybe someone else in the pool heard her, and was sizing me up.
maybe i am kinda manly-looking.
the sad thing is, i am normally the picture of confidence! i write huge posts on body image, for crying out loud! i am woman, hear me roar!
but this knocked the socks off me. the yankee beat me today.
i should have brushed it off as her ignorance. clearly, she wasn't too socially refined.
and this is when i should have reminded myself how much i love my body.
i am fearfully and wonderfully made, God tells me, and i believe that! i am a living, breathing miracle!
so girls, guard yourselves from body negativity! you are beautiful treasures, to me and to God. don't ever let someone cause you to doubt how freakin' gorgeous you are, inside and out.
if you don't believe it now, you can't protect yourself from attacks later. guard your hearts!
have you been shaken up mentally like that?
how did you respond?
do you believe you are beautiful?