Jun 22, 2010

lemonade from lemons.

oh, you shoulda known this was gonna be a whopper from the title.

but i have you now! bwahahaha.

i'm gonna get real personal here, y'all. the last week? has SUCKED.

i mean MAJOR suckage. like, abominably sucky. mind-blowingly sucky.

this bad:

catch my drift?

i was trying to think how i could allude to the suckage without just lettin' it all hang out (britney pun intended), but i decided to just be transparent with you guys.

in the last week, i have:
- gotten a virus
- had fibro pain bad enough for me to take vicodin (I HATE MEDS)
- broke up with my boyfriend
- popped my knee doing yoga
- wanted to tear out my stomach from ibs

yikes! yeah, it's been a crazy last few days.

as an update, i am almost 100% recovered from the virus (thanks for your kind words!). the fibro pain's pretty much the same, but mentally i'm handling it much better. my knee is a bit sore, but ok, and my stomach is still shaky, but not as, um... miserable, as it was.

... i don't want to go into the situation with my boyfriend too much, but basically, i can't blame him for not wanting to stick around.

fibro has completely changed my life - i can't really get out a lot, and when i do, i'm exhausted really quick. no longer can i plan my day by what i want to do, but what i have to do that i can manage. it just is a challenge all around, and as a completely healthy 27-yr-old guy, i totally see why this was overwhelming.

still, i'm crushed. he's been my only support this year, other than my amazing mom (hi mom!). when he gave up on me, it made me wonder if anyone will stick with me through this.

ok, ok, i'll leave britney aloneeeeeeeeeeeeee!

the point in this pity party?

what, you thought i just wanted to vent? would i do that?

for real - if i've learned anything at all this last year, i've learned that nothing, NOTHING, NOTHING, is pointless.

every hard thing we go through, everything we don't understand, everything that hurts... it's something we go through for our own good.

God uses the pain in our lives to grow us. think about it... if life was all sunshine and rainbows, why would we ever change?

none of us purposely choose something harder than what we had before. if life is good, we like it to stay that way! 

however, the challenge is exactly what we need to show us - we need change!

i used to hate God for letting bad things happen to good people. it just didn't seem fair! but then i realized... God wasn't responsible for the bad things that happened.

bad things happen because, well, that's life! life is hard. but i kept missing the lesson there... God was patiently waiting for me to turn to Him. to let Him pick up the pieces.

ok rebekah, point here? we will mess up. we will get discouraged. bad things will happen.

but life is bigger than that.

i cannot describe what it feels like to be simultaneously terrified, yet peaceful. all i know is that my whole life, i've felt so... empty. i had this dark cloud over my head that just made me want to give up on everything. i just couldn't shake the question, "does any of this actually matter?!?"

and after dropping out of school, losing all my friends, being diagnosed with an uncurable disease, breaking up with my boyfriend, being sexually abused, and watching my parents fall apart, i asked that question a lot, trust me.

sometimes, we have to have everything stripped away before we will ask ourselves the hard questions. and i did. i've spent the last two years crying out to God for answers.

and i finally understand now. i had to share with you guys...! i have a purpose. God has a plan for me.

it's bigger than my parents' broken relationship, it's bigger than my lonliness, it's bigger than my physical pain. it's bigger than me.

life isn't about how i feel or what i don't have, but what i am given, and what i can do with that. God has given me so much more than i have lost... beautiful things i wouldn't have noticed before the hard things happened.

but what am i given?

i wouldn't trade my story for anything. life means something to me now.

i have a new appreciation for my mom, and how incredibly faithful she is.

i realize i am amazing because of who i am, not because a man approves.

i now know how strong i am. after all this, nothing scares me! i can overcome anything with God's strength.

i've had the opportunity to blog, and from that, have been blessed with more beautiful girls in my life than i deserve. you guys are my passion!

and for the first time EVER, i have peace. rest. satisfaction.

what will i do with that?

i 100% believe that i am a miracle. God saved me from terrible things, mostly myself.

because of that, i have passion for things i didn't see before: i cannot sit still when i am around someone who's hurting. i have a passion for nutrition because it heals. i live to show people hope.

and all this, i owe to the challenges in life.

the real challenge isn't necessarily what happens to you, but letting yourself believe in the good that comes from it.

so the last week? no big.
- rebekah
how do you handle challenges?
what hard lesson has changed you?

P.S. - anyone up for some free Turtle Mountain So Delicious coconut milk?!?

how about a GlassDharma straw?!?


  1. wow, you are amazing. your purpose seems to be to share your beautiful self and inspire others with your grace and courage.

    keep shining - just a little flicker of light brightens the darkness.=)

  2. you go girl. you are so awesome. everytime i read your blog..anything negative in my life goes away. so thank you for putting this out there..and anything you write for that matter!! you are an inspiration. when i watched my g-ma suffer with Alztimers (i may have spelled that wrong) i questioned why..and my mom told me ...she's suffering for someone else..she's helping someone...she's like an angel helping another person in more pain..so keep strong..you can do anything!! :)

  3. I'd send this as an email but we all know how sometimes your email screws up...

    Anyway, I am SO incredibly sorry about your awful week. I hope you realize how amazing you are for discussing this and still having a sense of humor all in the same post.

    Stay your strong, bad-ass self and I look forward to seeing you next week, hopefully. :)

  4. You are a truly beautiful soul, Rebekah, and this was a beautiful post. Your ability to find the good amidst the bad and to focus on what you have instead of on what you don't have is so inspiring, especially considering everything that you've been through.

    I, too, have been taught some tough life lessons; the most recent one being my struggle to overcome my ED. I've been through hell and back because of it, but now I'm able to see that it truly was a gift from God, as it taught me so much, reconstructed the relationship I have with my family, and pointed my life in a better direction from the one I was going in. As such, I'm thankful for my struggles and all of the blessings that came out of them.

    You rock, girl. I hope you know that <3

  5. *hugs* Rebekah, you are such a amazingly strong fighter and I am in awe at your strength and optimism. I'm so sorry to hear that the last week has been tough for you and I hope that each day will get better and better.

    The words you provided me with in response to my last blog entry definitely gave me comfort in knowing that God is with me and He will see me through all my ups, and especially my downs, just as He will see you through yours.

    You're right, lessons can be gained from whatever predicament we are in. I was waddling in self-indulgent self-pity at having slipped up but seeing the outlook you have chosen to adopt in difficult times made me realise that I too, need to get my act together and break out of the vicious cycle I'd let myself get caught up with. So really, thanks Rebekah! You're a gem and good things will emerge from these challenges you've been facing!

    Much love,
    Nat xoxo

  6. Hang in there, lady bug. I love how you have such an insightful and positive spin on everyday. Call me if you need (or want) to talk. {{{HUGS}}}

  7. Rebekah, I'm so sorry you've had a rough week. But you're so right - everything that happens in life, good or bad - teaches us a lesson, and happens for a reason. Somehow, everything will always end up just "working." Struggle is what makes us stronger, and you have no idea how remarkable I think you are for going through all of this with such faith and optimism. I truly admire you for all of it!

  8. Wow. Girl, I am seriously so inspired right now. Why? Because I tend to take the itty bittiest thing and let it ruin my day/week, yet you've gone through so much and are STILL staying positive...

    Trials are definitely bittersweet. "Beauty in the breakdown," you know? I'm sure you can relate to the fact that when things are "perfect" is when it's the easiest to fall away from God. It's when those difficulties enter our lives that we tend to cling to Him and things are suddenly put into perspective...

    Stay strong. I know you will because I can almost FEEL your strength through the computer screen! And thank you for this post. Like I said - you are truly an inspiration!

    xoxo G

  9. I'm so sorry about your terrible week. :( Especially the boyfriend. And you DO absolutely have the right to be mad at him. You DO!

  10. I just saw this post now, but I agree with you so much. You know I have fibro too, and some nerve disorder added on to that. Even when things are really bad, I always see my nerve pain as a blessing. It has taught me to appreciate so many things and to have patience. I am here for you in this hard time and thinking of you!


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