oh, you shoulda known this was gonna be a whopper from the title.
but i have you now! bwahahaha.
i'm gonna get real personal here, y'all. the last week? has SUCKED.
i mean MAJOR suckage. like, abominably sucky. mind-blowingly sucky.
catch my drift?
i was trying to think how i could allude to the suckage without just lettin' it all hang out (britney pun intended), but i decided to just be transparent with you guys.
in the last week, i have:
- gotten a virus
- had fibro pain bad enough for me to take vicodin (I HATE MEDS)
- broke up with my boyfriend
- popped my knee doing yoga
- wanted to tear out my stomach from ibs
yikes! yeah, it's been a crazy last few days.
as an update, i am almost 100% recovered from the virus (thanks for your kind words!). the fibro pain's pretty much the same, but mentally i'm handling it much better. my knee is a bit sore, but ok, and my stomach is still shaky, but not as, um... miserable, as it was.
... i don't want to go into the situation with my boyfriend too much, but basically, i can't blame him for not wanting to stick around.
fibro has completely changed my life - i can't really get out a lot, and when i do, i'm exhausted really quick. no longer can i plan my day by what i want to do, but what i have to do that i can manage. it just is a challenge all around, and as a completely healthy 27-yr-old guy, i totally see why this was overwhelming.
still, i'm crushed. he's been my only support this year, other than my amazing mom (hi mom!). when he gave up on me, it made me wonder if anyone will stick with me through this.
ok, ok, i'll leave britney aloneeeeeeeeeeeeee!
the point in this pity party?
what, you thought i just wanted to vent? would i do that?
for real - if i've learned anything at all this last year, i've learned that nothing, NOTHING, NOTHING, is pointless.
every hard thing we go through, everything we don't understand, everything that hurts... it's something we go through for our own good.
God uses the pain in our lives to grow us. think about it... if life was all sunshine and rainbows, why would we ever change?
none of us purposely choose something harder than what we had before. if life is good, we like it to stay that way!
however, the challenge is exactly what we need to show us - we need change!
i used to hate God for letting bad things happen to good people. it just didn't seem fair! but then i realized... God wasn't responsible for the bad things that happened.
bad things happen because, well, that's life! life is hard. but i kept missing the lesson there... God was patiently waiting for me to turn to Him. to let Him pick up the pieces.
ok rebekah, point here? we will mess up. we will get discouraged. bad things will happen.
but life is bigger than that.
i cannot describe what it feels like to be simultaneously terrified, yet peaceful. all i know is that my whole life, i've felt so... empty. i had this dark cloud over my head that just made me want to give up on everything. i just couldn't shake the question, "does any of this actually matter?!?"
and after dropping out of school, losing all my friends, being diagnosed with an uncurable disease, breaking up with my boyfriend, being sexually abused, and watching my parents fall apart, i asked that question a lot, trust me.
sometimes, we have to have everything stripped away before we will ask ourselves the hard questions. and i did. i've spent the last two years crying out to God for answers.
and i finally understand now. i had to share with you guys...! i have a purpose. God has a plan for me.
it's bigger than my parents' broken relationship, it's bigger than my lonliness, it's bigger than my physical pain. it's bigger than me.
life isn't about how i feel or what i don't have, but what i am given, and what i can do with that. God has given me so much more than i have lost... beautiful things i wouldn't have noticed before the hard things happened.
but what am i given?
i wouldn't trade my story for anything. life means something to me now.
i have a new appreciation for my mom, and how incredibly faithful she is.
i realize i am amazing because of who i am, not because a man approves.
i now know how strong i am. after all this, nothing scares me! i can overcome anything with God's strength.
i've had the opportunity to blog, and from that, have been blessed with more beautiful girls in my life than i deserve. you guys are my passion!
and for the first time EVER, i have peace. rest. satisfaction.
what will i do with that?
i 100% believe that i am a miracle. God saved me from terrible things, mostly myself.
because of that, i have passion for things i didn't see before: i cannot sit still when i am around someone who's hurting. i have a passion for nutrition because it heals. i live to show people hope.
and all this, i owe to the challenges in life.
the real challenge isn't necessarily what happens to you, but letting yourself believe in the good that comes from it.
so the last week? no big.
how do you handle challenges?
what hard lesson has changed you?