last week, i brought up how it's not what you eat, it's what's eating you that causes weight struggles.... and you guys had some pretty inspiring comments, yourself!
part two: let's talk about self-image.
we worry people will judge us, or will change how they look at us if they know what we are really thinking...
- will my boyfriend still like me if me knows how much i weigh?
- will the girls still invite me to parties if they know i don't want to eat the cake?
- will i still have friends if they know about my eating struggles?
- am i a freak for feeling this way? why do i feel this way???
we help others, sure, but why can't we help ourselves?
we're isolated in our own thoughts from the fear of being exposed.
we live in the hardest time to be a woman. no longer is "just being yourself" acceptable. we must be flawless, powerful, talented, and never grow tired of our hectic schedules...
at all times, we must be the most perfect version of ourselves, with no room for failure. no wonder we're self-conscious!
so, what was my deal?
i felt like such a hypocrite for encouraging others, when inside - i felt like such a failure.
i hated my body. i hated how i looked. i hated how my clothes fit. i hated how i had no confidence. i hated how i felt utterly defeated. and most importantly, i hated myself for feeling that way.
i always thought i could deal with my body image by myself. maybe if i kept quiet, the thoughts would go away, and no one would ever have to know. i would still seem together, confident, and strong, when on the inside, i just wanted to hide.
the truth is? we all doubt ourselves, at one time or another.
i wish someone had realized what was happening and asked why i thought i had to be ashamed of my struggles. so what - i hated my thighs. show me a high school girl who doesn't?!? what did i think was going to happen if someone knew that? why did i feel the need to pretend everything was ok?
we all are going to have those self-destructive days, but we can heal and move on if we share our pain. that's why a support system is so crucial... the fact that i had struggles didn't make me a freak - it made me a human!
... because i'm pretty sure i'm not the only girl who's hated her un-airbrushed, un-photoshopped legs, amen?
i wasn't able to conquer my negative thoughts for years because i hadn't confided in anyone. if i had, i would have realized 1) i was obsessing over something that WASN'T REAL, and 2) i was completely normal. i had no reason to feel isolated and alone in a room full of people who saw me for who i really was - strong, athletic, smart, and a great girlfriend.
and besides, who wants a friend with no flaws? i'll never rely on someone who seems to have no problems... what experience would they have with what i'm going through?
i would love to think that my daughter will never have to go through being disgusted at her thighs, but i know that's not reality... thank you people magazine for that. however, i won't stand for you guys to continue to go through what i did. it breaks my heart that my story is so normal, it's just a part of life. but why should hating yourself be normal??? why does it have to be a part of anyone's life?
so, if we can't eliminate it, what can we do to break the cycle of negative body-image?
we're already well on our way to loving ourselves, thanks to a few powerful ladies who have made a difference!
may i propose a solution?
let's talk about this. let's tear down the taboo of being honest. let's get raw and real with each other. because if you want to heal yourself, you have to reach out to someone.
... you will never become whole if you keep your pain to yourself.
so what's my part in this?
this blog is a vehicle for change. it is a safe place for you guys to express what you might not have before, or what you think you can't say. i wholeheartedly commit to you guys - i will always be honest. i will always say what needs to be said. i will never stop until something changes. i will never judge you, and criticism will not be tolerated here. you guys deserve better!
once a week, i'm going to collect my thoughts on something we can tear down together. let's generate something better, something real, and something honest. let's beat this, for us. because if we don't think we deserve the best, why would anyone else give us the best?
what's something you've been scared to say about your body image?
ok - i'll start.
1. it doesn't matter what the scale says, i'm always going to be a bit fearful to end up where i started (50lbs overweight).
2. i know who i am - strong, powerful, and healthy, but i still find myself sometimes wishing i looked more like so-and-so, or i could run x-amount of miles.
3. sometimes i still feel like that hypocritical girl - encouraging others, but struggling herself. but not for long!