to whom it may concern...

sweet friends - don't forget to enter my super-easy-to-win giveaway to CSN Stores! it's a free $45, for cryin' out loud! comment before midnight on september 15th, and good luck!

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dear anonymous -

first of all, i wish you had left your name when you commented. this blog is a place where we embrace ourselves, and i don't like it when anyone feels they can't be who they are. not cool. but that's neither here nore there.

secondly, i want to thank you. no, seriously! you brought to mind an issue i've been struggling with, an important lesson that by god's grace i've accepted over the last year or two: the importance of not judging others. 

when you commented on my weight, did you realize how that would crush me? although i am proud of who i am, i'm still human and vulnerable to criticism. did you stop and think about that before you pressed submit?

you mentioned how i looked "before i lost of bunch of weight..." did you know i lost that weight because i was bedridden? that i slept 20 hours a day and just got up to pee? that i had to call my mom to carry me down the stairs? i didn't crash-diet, i was in a medicated coma. not shockingly, food wasn't too appealing. it took energy, and i didn't have any. simple as that.

if you had been in contact with me over the last few years, you would have know that i've desperately struggled with my body. praise God that improving body image is now one of my biggest passions. and i still struggle with eating enough and exercising to this day. i still am so grateful for each mile i can walk, because there was a time i couldn't walk any. did you know that?

all questions aside, that's not what i'm thanking you for. i appreciate your comment because it brought to light a realization i've had since i got sick that's worth mentioning: who am i to judge anyone because of their body?

source.

when i see someone walking down the street, the only thing i know about them is their appearance. how on earth do i think i have any business commenting on what they look like, when i don't know them? i hate to admit i used to gossip mercilessly about anyone i deemed too fat, dressed too slutty, or wore too much makeup.

the second i opened my smart mouth, all i accomplished was showering my pride, arrogance, and hate on everyone around me. i thought i was better than this person because in my mind, i wasn't "too" anything (although i did hate my own body, but that's another story). how it shames me to even admit that! sadly, it took me years before i could face my own shortcomings, realize God is the only true Judge, and in turn accept we all struggle, we all have flaws, and we all have a story behind them.

that critically obese person at the store? they are an incredible gift of God. who knows what they are struggling with in their own life? people have no more or less worth because of their weight, and if i truly cared about their health, i would pray for their lives and heart instead of mocking their body. that trashy-looking girl at the movies? who knows what she's been through? what does she deal with on a daily basis that i've only seen in movies? if i really cared, i would hug her instead of condemn her. that girl whose bones jut out from her skin? after the weight struggles i've gone through, if anyone loves this girl, it should be me. how dare i make her as the butt of my jokes, when i've been that girl! i could be the one voice she needs to keep believing there's hope in life, and each time i criticize her, i confirm her worst fears.

there's been a huge focus on self-love over the last few weeks, and i'm thrilled! before you can help others, you certainly must deal with yourself.

but sometimes, i think it's easy to forget the power in our words. it's not just about fat-talk, although that's a pretty big deal. more than that, though, we need to deal with what doesn't happen when we judge - love. when we choose to criticize someone, not only do we reenforce our own negativity, but we sever any chance we had to positively impact that person, and that might have been the only kind word they got for quite some time. 

next time we're tempted to judge, let's own up to the fact it probably comes from our own insecurities. how about we stop and consider what they're going through first, or compliment them instead? we have millions of opportunities to impact lives for the better - why not take them?

so anonymous, thanks for bringing that up, and thanks for reconfirming what i already knew to be true - because i am wonderfully made, i treat my body right. because i treat my body right, i accept what i see in the mirror. because i accept what i see, what you see doesn't threaten me. i know who i am and the victory that my life is. do you, anonymous?

are you aware of how your words impact others?

what can we do to build others up instead of tear them apart?

- rebekah

a little self-reflection, yes?

hello friends!
i hope your weekends were awesome in every way. i had an interesting weekend, to put it simply. learned a lot about myself, my thoughts, and what i want in life...

ever have one of those days where something just clicks? my weekend was full of those "aha!" moments.

noteworthy news:
the absolutely wonderful Medicinal Marzipan was kind enough to list me in her Body Loving Blogosphere weekly roundup. the other posts are incredible!

i also had the blessed opportunity to have lunch with Chuck Feerick, of Feerless Food. he was down in richmond for a triathalon (in the 100+ degree heat!!!) and was sweet enough to grab some food with me before his drive home at a cute little diner called Millie's.

while the atmosphere was fun, it was a little more crowded/noisy than i had anticipated. they were also out of almost half the items on the menu... not bueno for vegans :). all in all, we had great conversation, and he's a total doll. if you're interested in seeing exercise and food from a guy's perspective, hop on over to his awesome blog!

source.

today's thoughts: gum, and why we chew it.

i don't know about you guys, but up until very, very recently, i was a gum-chewing machine! yes, sugar-free gum and i spent many a day together, with all it's chemically, fake, poison-y goodness. i didn't go anywhere without a piece, and i could easily mowed through a whole pack in a weekend!

i kind of considered this my one vice... it wasn't a terrible habit, right? only when i started to notice it bothered my stomach did i ever even consider giving my up beloved gum.

since then, i've spent some time considering where this obsession came from. sure, it's not cocaine or anything, but an addiction is an addiction.

gum is one of those silly things we don't think about, but i am a firm believer that there is a reason behind everything we do. and i consider myself a strong person, so i didn't really like the control gum had over me. i seriously couldn't go a day without it!

so in a very christie-like manner, i just asked myself "why?"

i turned to gum for a few reasons:

1. emotion eating/food obsession: for the first time in my life, i wasn't eating constantly. i wouldn't just go grab something whenever i felt like it, but i still had the urge to. i hadn't dealt with all of my emotional reasons for needing food, so i still wanted to be chewing constantly.

why? because it was comforting! gum was a nearly calorie-free way to satisfy my food addiction... but satisfying that obsession wasn't the same thing as dealing with the problem.

i was addicted to food because i still thought eating, or the lack of it, would make me happy. my focus was in the wrong place - instead of pursuing things of worth (volunteering, friendships, God), i was too caught up in how "good" i could be (eating "healthy," getting skinny, being popular).

until i dealt with the emptiness inside, i was compelled to fill the space with food/chewing.

2. stress/loneliness: when i was really honest with myself, i chewed gum because i was worrying. i would get lost in my thoughts and fears about school, my major, my parents, losing weight, etc., and would turn to gum as a stress-reliever. once again - i wasn't dealing with the root problem. i was avoiding doing anything about my fears.

gum also distracted me from realizing i was lonely. i was working in the pool (isolated from the rest of the gym), going to community college with no friends, and dating a guy who worked long, random hours. the fibro was starting to limit what i could do, so i was getting out a lot less. the gum kept me "busy," so at least i didn't realize i wasn't really doing anything.

3. sugar: as you guys know, i'm hypoglycemic, so now i don't eat added sugars. when i was phasing-out sugar, naturally i craved sweetness, and sugar-free gum satisfied that need for me. i figured less sugar and no bingeing on desserts = success, when in reality, trading sugar for fake sugar = fail. don't get me wrong - i was moving in the right direction, just a bit misguided in my attempt.

source.

gum was my jam. it was my dirty little habit. it's taken a lot of practice and effort, but i can turn it down now and think about what my body really needs.

it's a scary thing to really get to the bottom of your actions, but it's worth looking into! there's no greater gift you can give yourself than understanding who you are.

will you do me (and yourself!) a favor?

please take a second and get real with yourself.

gum might not be your addiction, but make it personal: think about that food "you aren't safe around," or have no self-control with... i guarantee you it's not just because you really like the way it tastes. when we act compulsively and irrationally around a food, there is almost always a driving force behind it... be it emotions, memories, or guilt.

give yourself some time, keep thinking, and allow yourself the freedom to just be. you are absolutely worth the effort. treat yourself right, and get that monkey off your back! 

need some help getting started?
- i really can't recommend christie's blog enough, if you're looking to ask the hard questions. not only is she a sweet friend, but she's pure magic.
- looking for honesty? she's a bit on-again-off-again, but sui is a gem and says things how they really are.
- if you struggle a bit more than you'd like to admit (i've so been there!!!), lara's blog is a straight-up resourse for those of us who are no-nonsense.
- most important? find someone you can confide in. a loving, supportive person in your life is the greatest strength i've found.

what food challenges you? pulls at your compulsive side?
what "food habit" do you allow yourself?
-rebekah

full disclosure.

after checking that, in fact, it is actually tuesday, happy tuesday ladies and gentlemen!

          source... too cute to care about the spelling!

last night, i experienced an extremely "interesting" (read: non-existent) sleep pattern, so excuse me if i sound a bit groggy... i just got up/woke up from a nap.

first things first.

i wanted to shed some light on yesterday's post.

as with every email/post/comment, i wrote what i did to help someone else. to save them the trouble of making the same mistakes i did. to help encourage them to make the right choice for their body, even if it's an insignificantly small step in their eyes.

simply put, every lesson i've learned has been by the grace of God, so i feel responsible to pass it on.

yesterday was no exception, although i should say i'm glad you guys can't see me as i read the comments. you'd find a blubbering, sobbing idiot! you are way too kind!

but still, i was driven by something more. it was more a personal post than usual, and i believe you guys deserve to know that.

honestly? i've never been happier than i am now. after years of loneliness, frustration, and self-hate, i've finally found a place to sort things out, listen to God, and learn from others in the process.

i could never have imagined what a gift the blog would turn into, with this incredibly supportive community of bloggers and readers.

so what's my problem?

as much as i wrote yesterday's post for others, it also was a reminder for myself. words i've been preaching to myself for weeks.

you see, my body's been on a bit of a roller coaster ride over the last few years.

thin? despised? over-exercised? overweight? healthy? starved? disrespected? check! check! check!

 it's been through a transformation so dramatic, it puts Perez Hilton to shame...

                ridiculous.

... ok, maybe not thaaaaat bad. but still.

but now i'm stuck.

when i was in the middle of struggling with self-destructing/emotional eating/compulsive exercising, i just hated my body. the end.

slowly but surely, though, as i started healing, i began to image what my body would uncover. what would i be left with when i returned to a healthy, balanced outlook on life? what would my "adult" body end up like? big, or small? plump, or bony? curvy, or skinny?

i'm incredibly bless to say that today, i'm at peace with my body. and interestingly, it doesn't fit any of those descriptions i imagined.

for the first time, i'm smaller, but more muscle-y. not figure competition chiseled (go girl!), but definitely packin' more than i used to. and although i don't have a child's body by any stretch of the imagination, i certainly don't have luscious, curvy, womanly proportions.

 

                  swoon.

i finally have a stable, healthy, grown-up body, and i don't know how to handle that.

so when i wrote about loving our bodies no matter what, i meant it. really.

it's been my constant challenge for weeks. i'm still dealing with this body, but you know what? it's mine. it's (mostly!) healthy, finally at a blissful balance, and gives me the gift to be able to do things i love. go body go!

so you guys are my accountability, ok?
please help me (and yourself!) remember that this body is awesome!
you guys rock. seriously.

do you struggle with how your body has developed?
if you are recovering from ED, what has been the hardest to accept about your body?
- rebekah

i've had it.

welcome to rebekah's rant of the day...

What's Been Bugging Me Recently!

ok guys, i figure by now, you pretty much know who i am. you know my struggle with health, weight, and boys. you've seen my ups, and you've seen my downs.

so you know where i'm coming from when i say... i've had it with weight discrimination!

source

i am so tired of everyone complaining about their weight and how people judge them for it. everywhere you turn, be it on TV, the paper, or the blogosphere, somebody's whining. somebody's always offended. i've had it!

let's check out the facts here, ok?

1. thin does not automatically equal healthy. seriously, how many skinny people do you know who live off Splenda, diet Coke, and Dunkin Donuts? that couldn't walk a mile? that smoke like a chimney?

being thin is no more an indicator of health than being in the garage makes you a car.

are you thin from balanced exercise and nutrition? wonderful! but otherwise, be it genetics, anorexia, or what have you, just "being small" does not mean you are healthy. thin people must exercise, eat right, and take care of their bodies just like the rest of the population. it's called being a responsible adult.

2. being overweight does not mean you are lazy, disgusting, or ignorant. how dare someone even say something like that!

you know that lady you've seen walking down the street with a little bit of a belly? who knows, she could have just had a baby, struggle with binge eating, been sexually assaulted, or just started exercising for the first time in her life. being overweight has its consequences, but it doesn't take away the benefits of doing plenty of things well - if you are exercising regularly, eating well, and loving your body, you are amazing regardless of your weight!

3. hate solves nothing... i wish i could shout this from the rooftop - if we are trying to make this world a better place, pointing fingers is only tearing us apart! honestly, people who discriminate against those who are overweight make me want to punch them... do you really think anyone believes you are concerned about their health? really? i don't express concern by mocking someone... but maybe that's just me.

likewise, telling someone who is thin "go eat a sandwich!" or "get out of the gym!" certainly doesn't help their self-esteem. it only makes them feel rejected and singled-out. and because of that, attacking their food choices only highlights something that is none of your business to begin with. it's their body! who are you to judge them?

4. and neither does getting offended. you know how in middle school, bullies said hurtful things to get a reaction out of you? this is the adult version of that. anyone who attacks you, for anything? lame, and not worth your time. they want to see you cry. don't let them get to you.

there is a difference between genuine concern and assaulting someone.

yes, obesity costs everyone. health care is crazy expensive, and many diseases could be reduced if our weight was reduced as well. it's heartbreaking how many people struggle with diabetes, heart disease, and even premature death because of something as "simple" as extra pounds.

yes, magazines/modeling agencies/celebrities are only making us more self-conscious, unsatisfied with our bodies, and more detatched from reality. runway models are dying of anorexia, and celebs are setting up young girls for a lifetime of disordered thoughts.

yes, girls are cruel and insecure, and tease each other about their bodies.

yes, guys can be pigs and make us ashamed for not being a Victoria's Secret Angel.

yes, people judge you by what you look like.

but seriously - if we want to change this, complaining and getting offended is not the answer. and certainly, attacking someone doesn't exactly encourage positive change!

i've been reading a fair amount of body-image blogs recently, and i am a bit disturbed by the amount of "fat pride" being displayed. don't get me wrong, i totally agree with what they're saying! your weight has nothing to do with who you are as a person, and how dare anyone criticize you for it. but really, is attacking them back solving anything?

i've also followed a handful of "healthy living" bloggers for a while, and i think that plenty of what is passed off as "healthy" is really disordered eating in disguise. when someone lists their "food rules," tries to justify the amount they eat, or continually posts fad-diets/workout plans/filling low-cal foods, that is not healthy eating. i am incredibly blown away by how many amazing stories there are out there of bloggers who have lost weight, changed their lives, and run marathons, but that doesn't mean you are emotionally healthy. next time you read some of the "big blogs," make sure that they are loving themselves as-is, not when they were X pounds, before whatever marathon, or in a different pant-size, ok?

as far as the magazines and modeling industry is concerned - it's been twisted and warped for a long time, and it's not gonna change quickly. there are amazing things being done to promote healthy models, celebs, and role-models, but things like that take time. until we all learn that thinness is NOT the answer to everything in life, it will stay just like it is. the industry isn't gonna change until people do.

what's the answer to discrimination?

first of all, everyone calm down!

source

when you give so much attention to a single issue, you make it seem more important than it is.

i'm not saying that it shouldn't be addressed. when something unfair happens, it shouldn't go unnoticed! but sometimes, it goes from addressing it, to complaining about it, to beating a dead horse, until everyone is numb to it because it's been overdone.

if everyone stopped wasting time obsessing about plus-sized models, we could put some effort into started changing the way we view our OWN bodies.

if everyone would stop obsessing over miley cyrus/megan fox/jessica simpson's weight, we could step back and see how shallow that is - they're just people. real people. that eat. and have issues. and have "fat days." and lose weight. and experience emotions. whatever!

if we stopped fat talking, we could maybe start to see the positive things about our bodies, and how beautiful we truly are.

see what i'm saying? getting all fired up about ignorant people is solving nothing. don't waste your precious time and energy! i know sometimes you need to vent, but can't we move past that now?

instead, we need to channel that energy into encouraging ourselves and those around us to treat our bodies with respect, eat healthfully, move our bodies, and take care of ourselves, because we are worth the effort.

trash-talking someone, regardless if they are plus-sized, anorexic, mentally handicapped, asian, white, blind, ADHD, jewish, latino, or purple is so worthless. it's wrong, it's hurtful, and all it does is generate more hate.

i'm not saying we can change everyone, because stupid, hateful, judgemental people will always exist, but i'm going to be one less person to join them.

i'm going to make sure my friends and daughters know that they are PERFECT just the way they are, and that at no weight will they be more special to me than they were the pound before. i am going to support and encourage those who are trying to be healthier - whether that's losing extra pounds, overcoming an eating disorder, seeing beauty in themselves, or trusting God. and i am going to be extra careful about what i say and how it could effect others.

i am so proud of you all - regardless of what you look like. weight can be so touchy, and loving yourself, unfortunatey, can be a huge challenge! when everyone else is slamming their bodies, feeling food-guilt, and trying to discourage you, saying screw you is tough! but never give up. never stop fighting. keep rising about the drama.

if you are struggling with your body, please shoot me an email. i would love to encourage you, and help if i can! rrn2139(at)email(dot)vccs(dot)edu.

how do you guys feel about "fat pride?" or the fashion industry?
do you guys ever feel weight discrimination?
do you think we are doing the best we can to promote positive body image?
- rebekah

letter to my body.

this is a hard post for me to write, i hate to admit.

you guys know how passionate i am about positive body image. after my struggles to accept my own body, i won't stand for one more girl to hate hers! i want you all to know how totally gorgeous you are!

because of that, i've been planning for a month or so to do an exposed post.

what is exposed, you say?

exposed is an amazing movement started by Mish of Eating Journey, where brave women (and men!) post a picture of their bodies and list positive, strong things that their bodies do for them.

in a world where women live to bash their bodies and are expected to botox, exposed is a bold counter-movement to embrace our bodies for what they are - real, and incredible!

and yet, no post. what gives? 

honestly, i just didn't feel good about posting any of the pictures i took. at all.

after a few days of debating if it was a good idea or not with my boyfriend, i decided i felt like i was taking bikini girl body-shots... and if you know me at all, that's not who i am.

do i think the other bloggers who participated were just showing off? NOT AT ALL! their pictures were beautifully candid, painfully honest, and tasteful.

but behind my camera lens, my body didn't... translate that way, if you know what i mean. i cried, i plotted, and eventually, i gave up.

so, change of plans.

i discovered something equally as powerful, Tasha's (the Voracious Vegan) love letter to her body, and after yesterday's post, i knew i had to follow today with something more positive.

i am very concerned about how we judge our bodies by the scale. i think it's those disordered, obsessive thoughts that lead us to a dark place. you aren't going to get fat in a day, i promise. There's nothing healthy about fearing food and using exercise as a whip just to make the scale not budge.

my prayer is that instead of using the numbers to "check ourselves," we just breathe, and look at our bodies for what they REALLY are - not defined by a number.

my goal is to encourage you all to see your bodies in a new light. to love yourselves just as you are, not 10 pounds from now. to look in the mirror and thank god for your incredibly strong, perfect body.

TO MY BODY:

i love my face and hair because it is totally unique to me. i have a punky boy haircut, but the most feminine, delicate nose, and i thrive off the irony. my eyes are completely normal in shape, but can cut you like a knife if provoked. my lips are red enough to never merit the use of lipstick, and after years of struggling with rosacea, i'm finally just graced by rosy cheeks. 4 years of braces sucked, but i will never take my straight teeth for granted again.

my mouth can be quite a curse, but it also can be the most effective tool i have in loving others. when i feel passionate about something, my mouth can show that. it is the vehicle for my thoughts, emotions, and equally important, it lets me eat!!!

i love my shoulders because they are the paradox of strength and delicacy; graceful and slender, yet powerful and toned. they have pulled me through thousands of swim practices! i love my collarbones for screaming feminity, yet modesty in a scoopneck shirt.

where would i be without my arms? they allow me the sheer pleasure of hugging those i love. they give me a place for my tattoo, and no matter how much weight i gained, my hands remained graceful.

now, on to my stomach. i cannot thank my stomach enough for putting up with me all these years. we've been through so much together - binges, crash diets, sunburns, muffin-top, greasy cafeteria crap, stomach flus, food allergies, and too much tequila. after hating my stomach my whole life, i now see how incredible it is for hanging in there with me! i see it now as my support for long runs, and a work in progress (elusive 6-pack be darned!!!).

i've learned to love my hips and butt because they frustrated me so much! they are not womanly or shapely at all, and never have been. i have struggled to thank God for them, but now i love them because they remind me there is no such thing as a "perfect" body. they fit in my jeans just fine, so what more could i ask for?

my thighs are one of the body parts i am most grateful for. they have powered me through thousands of laps in the pool and countless miles pounding the pavement. no matter how fibro made me feel, my legs never stopped working. pain hasn't stopped me for training for a half marathon, and i believe my legs are responsible for giving me that victory. they are strong, powerful, and announce "HEY WORLD, I'M ATHLETIC!" it could be worse!

i love my feet because they have taken me so many beautiful places. they've given me memories of mexico, san diego, st. thomas, canada, new york, florida... i cherish those places as some of the highlights of my life, and will never take for granted again the gift of simply being able to walk. they've also led me though experiences with incredible people, and i'm looking forward to seeing where they take me from here.
your turn!
what do you love about your body?
-rebekah

..................................................

don't forget to send me your peach recipes for the Blogger Secret Ingredient Contest!

the deadline is sunday night, june 20th.

join the fun!

i hate to burst the bubble...

you know that list of things you'll do "when you're thin?" that fantasy you have of how life will be when you fit back in your skinny jeans? the kind of man you'll land when you wear a size (insert goal here)?

the truth is, losing weight won't make any of that happen.

thinness does not equal happiness. just like there's never enough money to satisfy you, there's also never a perfect enough body to satisfy you.

if you have issues now, you will have issues when you weigh 20,40, or 10,000 pounds less. i promise.
there's not a magic bmi where your problems disappear... and if we're honest, we know skinny girls aren't always happy, so that couldn't be true.

um, do lindsay lohan, heidi montag, and paris hilton have issues? seriously, there's not enough space on the blog for that one.

but why do i care? i don't really toss around the fact that i've lost more than 50 lbs since high school. what is important, though, is what i used to believe about myself. when i was heavier, i didn't feel good enough. i felt "fat," so something must have been wrong with me. when i lost weight, i thought i would have nicer clothes, a sexy boyfriend, do better in school, yada yada yada. you get the picture.

really, i was just unhappy with everything in my life, and i figured that since my body was so terrible, it must be why. my weight must be the reason my life sucked... so naturally, how did i fix my life?

i started to lose weight (more on that here). i got new makeup, new jeans, and a new boyfriend. i started running and weighed a lot less. people noticed, and i was ok with that.

brilliant, right? i thought so. kinda.

... but my issues from before? yeah, they never left. the same thoughts and fears that haunted me when i was heavy still haunted the new me... and actually, i ended up picking up a few more vices in the process.

not only was i still carrying the emotional baggage of the previous years (loneliness, mom's cancer, dad's anger problems), but i managed to acquire an abusive boyfriend, some disordered eating habits, and an alarming reliance on vodka as well. score.

was i happier in a smaller size? appearance-wise, sure. i felt great in my new clothes! i was proud of my accomplishment. but did my new bod solve anything i thought it would? not a chance.

i'm not trying to say weight loss CAUSES problems. the opposite, actually... weight loss does just that - make you smaller. the number on the scale goes down. you wear smaller pants. you walk quieter. and wonderful health benefits, yes, but truthfully, that's about it.

you look different, but you aren't different. your body is.

the problem wasn't what i saw in the dressing room mirror. the real issue was in my heart, not my thighs. i was trying to address an emotional problem by physical means.

unfortunately, you can't shortcut healing a broken heart. hiding behind your jean size isn't going to get you anywhere. those problems won't go away until you deal with them independently from weight loss.

you see, i could never diet away how much i wanted a relationship with my father. i couldn't get skinny enough to make a guy perfect for me. and my hips certainly would never be small enough to heal the heartbreak of watching my mom close to death.

when i was heavier, i let my weight be a symbol of my pain. i let it stand for the hopelessness i felt. i never allowed myself the chance to heal, so when i tried to move forward, i carried those burdens with me everyday. they didn't have anything to do with my weight, but for some reason, it was less scary to admit i was fat than i was depressed.

i was thin, and i wasn't happy. my size 0 jeans didn't teleport me to a different life. dang it!

my turning point? realizing it was ok that i didn't have it all together. i was scared, broken-hearted, and in a world of hurt. once i addressed that, i could see myself and my life for what it was; that heart issues are separate from body issues.




the point in all this?
i had been telling myself lies. my pants didn't have anything to do with my crappy choice in men, my flaky friends, or my awful grades. i was a snarky little punk at 170 lbs and i'm still a snarky little punk under 120 lbs.

i used my weight as justification for not pursuing better for myself. i talked myself into believing that the reason i didn't have good things was because of my weight, but the truth was, i didn't have good things because i was too scared to go get them. my weight was my excuse. i was too scared to get real with myself, so i hid behind something less scary.

but you know what? god has big plans for me, and always did, no matter what the scale said. the only person who cared about the number was me. did i really think i would be less successful because of 5 or 10 lbs? there were so many things i passed on because i was afraid of failing; so much time and energy wasted... now, i wish i had that time back.

please girls (and guys!), don't be fooled into believing the world hinges on the notches on your belt.  thin people don't have super powers, and they don't have all the answers, either.
please never let yourself get sucked into believing you aren't capable because of how you look. your potential is not determined by what you eat.
please never compare yourself to someone else because of their jeans/weight/eating habits. you aren't them, are you?

please believe you deserve good things, and then do something about it. you deserve what you want. really, you do.

and please, please, please: like my mom said tonight, lose weight for your health, and deal with your heart for your happiness. happiness is something you find when you make peace with yourself, not when you reach X weight.

your thinner weight might thrill you for a second, but it will never make you satisfied. the joy of smaller jeans is nothing in comparison to the joy of finally being free of your demons. do yourself a favor and let go of your issues TODAY, not 10 lbs from now.

if you don't take away anything else, please rip up that list of "when i'm thin..." thin is a biology term, not a measure of success.

you are beautiful, healthy, and alive NOW. don't you believe you deserve good things today?

- rebekah
p.s. - interested in more? part one, part two, and part three of our body image discussion.

part three: open at your own risk.

hey again!
we made it through monday! that's a reason to celebrate, in my book.

so this week, i thought i'd pick your brains about something near and dear to my heart - emotional eating. yeah, i know it sucks, but it's been brought up in so many conversations the last week i had to talk about it!

at the 10k i cheered for the other day, i got the opportunity to chat with a dear friend's mom while she ran. my friend has been struggling through some health issues for quite some time, and recently has been frustrated with the weight she's gained during the process. the problem? since she is so healthy (trains for marathons, teaches pilates, studies nutrition, etc.), she is exponentially more frustrated with the extra weight. she keeps her diet perfectly... counts calories, eats whole foods, etc... but when she gets sick, she really struggles with emotional eating. i think it's so normal for us ladies to put on a few pounds when we don't feel good - we comfort ourselves, no? i know i do.

i also was blessed to meet with christie from honoring health on sunday, who is one of the most honest ladies i know concerning her experiences with emotional eating. it's something that after growing up as one of three sisters and seeing all of us struggle, i believe probably every breathing female has struggled with, in one form or another... can't we all relate?

these ladies encouraged me to give you guys my story. i hope it can only spare y'all some of the frustration and heartbreak i went through as i navigated a healthier relationship with food.

....................................................................................
my journey to health, balance, and peace.
as a child, i never feared food. in fact, i was a pretty hearty eater! i was a competitive swimmer from an early age, and as you can imagine, that requires a fair amount of food. this was all well and good until i got mono my junior year of high school...

when i got sick, i got really sick. i dropped everything. i missed weeks of school at a time, i didn't leave the couch all day, and i successfully watched every episode of every season of ANTM to date... i know, i know. but unfortunately, you know what i also dropped? exercise.

so when you go from 7 two-hour swim practices a week to NOT EVEN SCRATCHING YOUR NOSE, you might gain a bit of weight. and gain weight i did... about 30 or 40 pounds. i just kept eating like i was still burning 2,000 extra calories a day... but i wasn't. at all.

i was never fat, but at the time, i felt straight-up like Free Willy.

of course, this all happened right before i left for college, so on top of wanting to lose what i had gained, i was terrified by the thought of seemingly certain doom: the freshman-15.


enter: exercise.
what was this!?! i had totally forgotten what it meant to exert muscular force (other than channel surfing, of course...). i started running 3-4 times a week with my gorgeous roommate, who also was trying to slim up... and the weight started to fall off.

at ellwoods a few weeks ago... healthy!

after a while, i started to examine my eating habits. i found it was easy to be healthier - i swapped salad for cake, water for sprite, and cereal for sausage. not surprisingly, i lost a bit more. i was in shape. i felt really good...

andddddddd then, i met my (now ex-)boyfriend.

enter: emotional disaster.

at first, it was a confidence boost to have a new guy. i felt pretty and desired for the first time in a long time... before the emotional abuse began. i won't go into the nitty gritty, but after dating him six months, i ended up at home, on drugs, destroying my body, with no clue who i was anymore.

how could this happen to me? i was so strong and proud of who i was. i spent the next year stumbling around, making more bad decisions, trying to uncover a shred of who i used to be.

one of the ways i regained control in my life was by losing more weight. i started working out twice a day and eating just enough so i didn't pass out on the treadmill. while i looked "healthy," i was depressed and starving. sure, i weighed less, but was i happy? no. i still hated my body. inside, i was still ugly.

if drugs couldn't mask the pain, i thought for sure wearing a size 2 would solve my problems. right? isn't that what you read in magazines?

... but there i was, weighing less than ever, in a place so dark i barely had the will to get out of bed.

the binges begin.

if thinness wasn't the answer, what was? i begin searching for something to fill the hole in my heart, and i thought i found it in running. i started training for a half-marathon, so once again, i needed a lot of food. it started out harmlessly enough. like a lot of athletes, the line between fueling and binging can be sneaky... when you're training hard, why not reward yourself with 2 bowls of ice cream? you deserve a whole bag of chips after that run. after 2 years of focusing on nothing but weight loss, i allowed myself to relax... a lot.

and so, the pounds crept on. i was self-medicating my wounds little by little every day, until i realized i had gained 20 pounds back! i worked in my bathing suit that summer, so i was desperate to lose the weight. i started restricting what i ate way too much while still running twice a day. i did lose a bit, but eventually, i couldn't do it anymore... i cracked.

my body was crying out for food, and my broken heart was crying out to be healed. i wasn't ready to face my emotions, so i tried to cover them up. i felt controlled during they day because i barely ate, but when i came home at night, i was hurting, lonely, and starving. i would eat everything i could get my hands on. i didn't know why i was eating, but i just kept crying and eating. i guess i figured maybe something would taste good enough to make me forget how alone i was.

well, it never did. i just ended up not being able to wear my pants. awesome. i kept restricting, and i kept binging. i remember thinking the only way i would be free from binging was if i was dead. how hopeless and twisted is that? it had to stop. there had to be an answer. there must be a way to be happy with your body... right?

enter: the epiphany.

one day, i had eaten enough. i had to buy all new clothes, and honestly, i was just... embarrassed. i was ready to move on. i realized the problem wasn't my appetite, but my broken heart.

all my life, i was terrified of my feelings. i couldn't handle emotions, so i stuffed them down inside myself and moved on. i never let myself deal with anything - i just ran away from my fears and pretended everything was ok. no wonder i was so broken inside... i never allowed myself to heal!

i realized the answer to my struggles with food wasn't at the bottom of a carton of ben and jerry's, but it also wasn't in having perfect six-pack abs, either. the answer? i had to get real with myself. i had to be OK with the fact that i had some demons that needed facing, and it was going to be scary. it was going to be hard. but you know what? i would get through it. i would move on.

once i stopped running to food, i had to ask myself: what was i running from? this was the hardest part of my journey to health. it's uncomfortable to look inward honestly and really process how we feel about ourselves. but it is the only way we can find peace with ourselves, and i don't know who or where i'd be if i hadn't.

two ways i escaped self-destruction:

1. lose the perfectionism! no, seriously. do it now! this is SO hard to grasp, because it seems counter-productive at first. the reason i started binging in the first place was because i was trying to be too perfect during the day. i thought that if i wanted to lose weight, i had to do it by eating as little as possible... no cookies, no bread, no juice, no snacks, NO FUN! if i "messed up," the day was a loss, and i might as well eat some cookies and start over tomorrow.
but this is so not true!!! there is never a point where you should say "well, i've blown it, so i might as well give up." don't let yourself fall into that trap!

we are humans, and humans aren't perfect. what you eat and weigh isn't a barometer of how amazing of a person you are, so cut yourself some slack! girls are MEANT TO EAT, so don't allow yourself to think you have to be "good" and starve yourself. it always backfires, because humans need food. we can't live without it! it's not about you or your willpower being "strong enough."

change your perception of perfection. successful should mean healthy, happy, and active - not starvation.

2. face your demons. you will never find peace with food until you dig deeper. i love the quote from the t.v. show Ruby... "it's not what you're eating, but what's eating you." this is crucial. if i was honest with myself, i would have realized i was binging to try to replace the feeling of contentment... the feeling i got from being safe, happy, and in love.

all those years, i looked to guys to try to fill that void in my heart. i tried to be the best girlfriend with the funniest jokes, the most friends, and the hottest body, and maybe that would be enough.

well, it wasn't. it took years of struggling through damaging, failing relationships for me to realize no one person would ever be able to make me happy. no boy could ever be charming, responsible, or sensitive enough to solve my problems - that was God's job. people can make my life enjoyable and help me sort through my feelings, but only Jesus Christ can satisfy me.

that doesn't make me weak, desperate, or a freak - God designed it this way! He designed His love to fulfill me when cookies can't... how awesome is that? only after i stopped trying to jump through the hoops of weight loss and dieting did i find i could rest on God. i didn't have to run away anymore. i was finally safe.

.................................................................
that's my story of why i feel at peace.
i had to struggle a lot with binging and destroying myself through drugs and guys. sadly, because i am so stubborn, it took going through all that before i was ready to stop spinning in circles and accept the fact that i am not perfect and never will be.

... but none of us are!
why should we have to live with the pressure to be something we can't ever achieve?

please do two things for me.
1. please see yourself as you really are - gorgeous, healthy, and alive! i don't care about what you weigh, and no one else does either. why waste your energy beating yourself up? let's be realistic about our bodies, because we deserve that. life is hard enough already, right?
2. please ask yourself the hard questions - because you deserve to be able to heal and move on. you literally could run away from your emotions your whole life... but you don't have to! why should you carry around a burden that will only make you miserable? letting my fears go didn't ruin my life... it gave me the life God intended for me to have all along. freedom.

thoughts? questions? comments?
i would love to hear your stories of victory, or the ones you still struggle with.
please don't hesitate to email me either.
- rebekah

part two: open at your own risk.

happy monday, y'all!
last week, i brought up how it's not what you eat, it's what's eating you that causes weight struggles.... and you guys had some pretty inspiring comments, yourself!

part two: let's talk about self-image.

girls are martyrs when it comes to what we feel about our own bodies.

... and well, i'm tired of it.

we talk about "the issue" of body-image, but never really come clean about how we personally struggle. it's a good start, but it's missing something crucial: ourselves!

i've been guilty of this, for sure. it's easy to talk about something in theory, but it's really hard to be accountable for something personal!
we worry people will judge us, or will change how they look at us if they know what we are really thinking...
- will my boyfriend still like me if me knows how much i weigh?
- will the girls still invite me to parties if they know i don't want to eat the cake?
- will i still have friends if they know about my eating struggles?
- am i a freak for feeling this way? why do i feel this way???

we help others, sure, but why can't we help ourselves?
we're isolated in our own thoughts from the fear of being exposed.

we live in the hardest time to be a woman. no longer is "just being yourself" acceptable. we must be flawless, powerful, talented, and never grow tired of our hectic schedules...
at all times, we must be the most perfect version of ourselves, with no room for failure. no wonder we're self-conscious!

so, what was my deal?
i felt like such a hypocrite for encouraging others, when inside - i felt like such a failure.
i hated my body. i hated how i looked. i hated how my clothes fit. i hated how i had no confidence. i hated how i felt utterly defeated. and most importantly, i hated myself for feeling that way.

i always thought i could deal with my body image by myself. maybe if i kept quiet, the thoughts would go away, and no one would ever have to know. i would still seem together, confident, and strong, when on the inside, i just wanted to hide.


the truth is? we all doubt ourselves, at one time or another.
i wish someone had realized what was happening and asked why i thought i had to be ashamed of my struggles. so what - i hated my thighs. show me a high school girl who doesn't?!? what did i think was going to happen if someone knew that? why did i feel the need to pretend everything was ok?

we all are going to have those self-destructive days, but we can heal and move on if we share our pain. that's why a support system is so crucial... the fact that i had struggles didn't make me a freak - it made me a human!

... because i'm pretty sure i'm not the only girl who's hated her un-airbrushed, un-photoshopped legs, amen?

i wasn't able to conquer my negative thoughts for years because i hadn't confided in anyone. if i had, i would have realized 1) i was obsessing over something that WASN'T REAL, and 2) i was completely normal. i had no reason to feel isolated and alone in a room full of people who saw me for who i really was - strong, athletic, smart, and a great girlfriend.
and besides, who wants a friend with no flaws? i'll never rely on someone who seems to have no problems... what experience would they have with what i'm going through?

i would love to think that my daughter will never have to go through being disgusted at her thighs, but i know that's not reality... thank you people magazine for that. however, i won't stand for you guys to continue to go through what i did. it breaks my heart that my story is so normal, it's just a part of life. but why should hating yourself be normal??? why does it have to be a part of anyone's life?


so, if we can't eliminate it, what can we do to break the cycle of negative body-image?
we're already well on our way to loving ourselves, thanks to a few powerful ladies who have made a difference!

may i propose a solution?
let's talk about this. let's tear down the taboo of being honest. let's get raw and real with each other. because if you want to heal yourself, you have to reach out to someone.
... you will never become whole if you keep your pain to yourself.

so what's my part in this?

this blog is a vehicle for change. it is a safe place for you guys to express what you might not have before, or what you think you can't say. i wholeheartedly commit to you guys - i will always be honest. i will always say what needs to be said. i will never stop until something changes. i will never judge you, and criticism will not be tolerated here. you guys deserve better!

once a week, i'm going to collect my thoughts on something we can tear down together. let's generate something better, something real, and something honest. let's beat this, for us. because if we don't think we deserve the best, why would anyone else give us the best?

what's something you've been scared to say about your body image?

ok - i'll start.

1. it doesn't matter what the scale says, i'm always going to be a bit fearful to end up where i started (50lbs overweight).

2. i know who i am - strong, powerful, and healthy, but i still find myself sometimes wishing i looked more like so-and-so, or i could run x-amount of miles.

3. sometimes i still feel like that hypocritical girl - encouraging others, but struggling herself. but not for long!

your turn!

- rebekah

open at your own risk.

Hey guys – happy little friday!


Although this is not a weight loss blog, sometimes i get passionate about satan, the scale. Bear with me.

Today I had lunch with the most amazing girl! She wanted some advice on managing insulin resistance (something near and dear to my heart). she’s into nutrition, so naturally we got carried away and ended up down a health “bunny trail,” if you will.

We spent our time talking about… weight. Not really weight, but how weight loss and what we eat really isn’t about calories.

Say what? Hear me out.

I don’t really talk about it much here, but I’ve struggled with my weight since, well… birth! As a teenager, daily life consisted of obsessing over what I ate and how I felt about my body. And being on swim team my entire life certainly didn’t help that – hello, speedos? I wasted years ashamed of my body, thinking, “ok, Monday starts my diet. I’ll just eat salad on Monday.”

when I left for college, I was terrified. The curse of the freshman fifteen seemed loomed ominously, and I couldn’t afford to buy new clothes again! so logically, I started dieting. after visiting the end of google and back, I felt even more hopeless – not only is there 1,092,309,420,394 different diet plans, but none of them seem... to actually work.

I counted calories, I ran, but I was still soft in the middle. Awesome… is this all a trick? I felt i must have been missing something. I could never just let go and enjoy my food, but I could never succeed at being “good,” either. I hated eating, I hated being hungry, and I definitely hated my lack of willpower. I felt worthless, hopeless, and like a total failure. Don’t get me wrong – I was never obese or anything, but body image isn’t all about weight, is it?

… I’m not sure why, but as girls, we kinda tip-toe around the real issue. When we complain about our weight, it seems the only thing that is “safe” to talk about is numbers – calories, pounds, servings, measurements, hours running, miles, etc. we moan and commiserate in groups, all bonding together over gelato and trash-talking heidi klum. the laws of physics must not apply to supermodels!

What is our real problem, then, if it’s not calories? We know the calorie count in a slice of toast, the fat grams in a scoop of ice cream, and the carbs in pop tarts. So why do we feel so hopeless? Why does nothing ever seem to work? I’m sure a doctor would disagree with me, but I would be bold enough to politely say that he doesn’t know crap.
I think the real struggle behind what size pants we wear is not what goes into our MOUTHS, but what goes into our MINDS.

Thanks to cosmo magazine, we have been conditioned to think that skinny means success. That deprivation equals drive. That your jean size must be equal to how lazy you are. That your choice at lunch is representative of your worth. That how your abs look is how happy you are. That if you eat salad, you will land your dream man. That vacation is more fun when you’re thin. If you could just lose X amount of pounds, life would be perfect.

Girls…….. seriously? Enough!

Promise me you will do this – raise your right hand, and solemnly swear to SCREAM IN THE FACE of anyone who ever makes you feel that way again. Promise you will get ANGRY when you find yourself looking at lauren conrad and wishing you could trade thighs. Promise you will immediately dump/scratch the face off of any guy who treats you like trash because of your jean size/bra size/waist size.

YOU are a treasure because you have a brain, a heart, and a purpose. PEOPLE change lives, not diet books. PEOPLE fall in love, not numbers on scales. PEOPLE make a different, not bikini sizes.

You are not a number. Your size is simply a reflection on what you eat. Period. It is not a measure of your self-worth, your importance, or your popularity. It has nothing to do with how special you are, or the caliber of man you can snag. Do you see a calorie count on the things that actually matter?

Think about it. In history class, you probably never saw a picture of the people who changed the world. You don’t know what size pants they wore, or how much they weighed, because NONE OF THAT MATTERED. They knew they had something special, and they lived and died for it.

The point? I’m pretty sure Gandhi didn’t waste his time or money on Atkins. Life is about people, not pants. Your value on this planet is not equal to how little you can eat in a day and not pass out. Your impact on earth is determined by what you pour into others.

Don’t waste one more second hating yourself. Your body is your most precious gift. You can’t do anything without it, so why do we beat it into submission, starving it, and contorting it on workout machines until we collapse? Food and exercise aren’t punishments! Nourishing and energizing our bodies are life’s greatest pleasures – so please, ladies, put down your gallon of ben and jerry’s and look at yourself hard in the mirror. Don’t leave until you make peace with what you see. Examine the PERSON, not the image, because you are NOT an object.

until you can honestly tell yourself that you’re ok with WHO you are and not WHAT you are, you will continue to treat your body like a naughty pet who deserves to be scolded. You will never be able to escape the cycle of defeat and self-loathing, and that breaks my heart, because i was you.

You deserve freedom and respect, and life is passing you by while you waste it counting fat grams.

anything i missed?
- rebekah

good times.

hey buddies - happy sunday to ya.
everyone have some good weekend time?

i finally got the baking bug again! someone's been inspiring me to get back into the kitchen and create... the point of my blog, yes?

i made heaven on a baking sheet.
no, seriously.
i made baking illustrated's thick and chewy triple-chocolate cookies for the men in my life, because i'm awesome like that.
and i have a 16 yr-old brother who would start gnawing my legs off if i didn't keep a steady flow of pizza and chocolate headed his way. add the boy's sweet tooth on top of that, and i'm in danger!

i snagged the recipe while drooling over browneyedbaker's food porn. if you've never perused her sinfully decadent recipe index, shame on you.
check out her top 10 cookies, and make your guys REALLY happy with you.
and keep your legs safe.

hubba hubba.

if i were a blogger with a brain, i would have taken a picture before they made it into the tupperware.

sigh.

these were the best of both worlds - chewy texture like a cookie, but an intense chocolate hit like a brownie. and i wonder why... they had over a POUND of chocolate in the recipe!!!!! holy crap.


after the chocolate orgy was resolved,
i was off to a dinner date to one of my favorite restaurants ever - ipanema cafe... the boy, he scored some points here. on top of asking me out to ipanema, he also greeted me with these:

i will repeat... MAJOR points.

why flowers? just because. i'm a BIT lucky.
(sidenote: the boy has put up with my shenanigans for about 8 months now... where does time go???)

as i said the other day, ipanema is an adorable little restaurant downtown near some other lovely ladies. located underground, nestled beside a tattoo shop, and across the street from a north african boutique, it carries it's own atmosphere, to say the least! the servers are all super friendly, the owner's usually hanging out, and the menu is awesome!

total foodie paradise.

when i was first trying to cut out some animal products, i had no idea what i was doing, and my server really helped me pick something to try. he basically let me create my own salad, and on top of that, it was HEAVENLY!

once again, if this blogger had a brain, i would have pictures of the inside and my dinner...
except as soon as they bring out the food, all thoughts of the blog leave me, and all thoughts turn to the belly! oops...
i got the hummus sandwich with oven-roasted tomatoes, sprouts, cukes, and garlic hummus on sourdough bread... food 'gasms, no?

hello stand-in. lookin' good!

it came with a side salad with the MOST DELICIOUS carrot-ginger dressing i've ever tasted... must recreate this! it also came with sweet potato fries.... i was in ecstasy. i'd marry those darn fries if i could.
the boy got the Miso and Mirin Glazed Salmon with wasabi potato cakes, chinese broccoli and apple slaw. also 'gasmic, i'll add.

i would definitely get both again!
miss katharina recommended the pies from here, too. i haven't had room for dessert yet, but next time you'd better believe i'm gonna try!


... annnnnndddd i was going to post the rest of my weekend, but my computer froze and now my pictures won't load.
anyone else ever have this problem?
i'll try again later today, but i just have to rant a little about something that happened this week.

thursday, i had a follow-up endocrinologist appointment. i've been in and out of their office for the last four years or so trying to figure out my freak-of-nature hormones. i'm gonna be open and honest with you guys, ok?
if you're a bit leary of tmi, i'll see you later at my next post :)

basically, i've never had a normal period. i didn't start until i was almost 17, i've never had a regular cycle, and they've put me on and off the pill for years to try to get my body to "figure it out." so here i am at almost 21, and STILL have no normal cycle. i actually haven't had a period in months... years if you don't count my issues on the pill.
cool, you say?
sorta.
i got diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) when i was 17, which isn't life-threatening or anything, but is pretty weird for someone like me (young, active, no family history, etc.). it also means i am predisposed for troubles getting pregnant, and am in danger of developing insulin resistance (remember my post earlier this week? it's from my heart. please treasure your bodies!).
i'm not nervous about it, but i would like to figure it out now while i'm young and don't have to deal with those problems yet... thus, the doc appointment.

i'm pretty upset, though,
not because of the PCOS, but because of how the doctor responded. i've been to a few different doctors about it, but this was my first time seeing this specific doc. he basically wanted to know everything about me (amazingly, he didn't fall asleep!!!), which was all well and good, until he asked me about my weight loss.
it's a pretty normal question for the doctor to ask, but he was totally shocked to hear that i've lost 50lbs since high school. i know it's dramatic, but i wasn't healthy before, and the weight certainly wasn't helping me, mentally or physically. it was lost over the course of 3 or 4 years, and i NEVER dieted. it was lost through exercise, learning nutrition, and overcoming emotional eating.

instead of seeing this as positive, or at least considering that it might have been for a good reason, the doctor immediately starting asking me if i was purging.
i know that it was a plausible question considering my health right now, but i couldn't help but get offended... i've worked SO hard all these years sweating my rear off on the treadmill, resisting all-you-can-eat dessert bars, and preaching nutrition, and now my doctor is doubting my credibility because i've lost the weight. he thinks i'm just depressed.
 i'm finally not overweight, exercising right, and eating a diet full of delicious food, and now i have to defend myself???

y'all, i'm not trying to criticize those with ED.
PLEASEEEEE don't get me wrong - i've definitely had disordered thoughts in high school (who hasn't??), so i know it's not like only crazies experience it. with the way people are now, i'm surprised some of you guys have come out unscathed! mad props.
i am totally heartbroken, however,
that my doctor doesn't believe anyone can lose weight healthfully and naturally anymore. and that he started to dismiss me because i'm not heavy, so i must self-induce vomitting. i've actually been really focusing on eating enough recently. i'm lifting weights again, so i want to feed these new muscles!!

so forgive me, but i just wanna shout:

my name is rebekah, and i believe in what real food can do for your body.

i will NEVER binge and purge because i believe god designed a perfect plan for our bodies to be healed and sustained through whole foods he made.

also, my body is sacred!

i will treat it like it deserves.

fibro might challenge it, but i will fight back with a gentle, healing hand.

I WILL NOT despair and short-change my health because of body-image.

I WILL stand strong, proud, and healthy as an example to those around me.

i love my body because it is my most precious gift.

have you guys ever experienced something like this?
am i just being dumb?
as someone who's struggled with her weight most of her life, this is a new experience for me.
i don't want to be offended because he was just trying to do his job, but what does this say about the body image and health of young girls now?!?
-r