is your closet safe?

take a look at these shorts. a long, hard look.

at first glance?

they look like... shorts... because they sorta are.

i got them from Target, land where dreams are made of. they were $9.99. champion brand.

but don't be deceived, my dear friends. these are evil shorts.

for those of you who have been here for the long haul, you know i've been on a roller coaster with my weight, and i'm finally at a place of (near) peace with the body i have today.

so why am i shaken up over cheap running shorts?

here's the deal - i bought these shorts after months of being bed-ridden from fibro. i got them on my first shopping outing "back in the real world. " while i was INCREDIBLY excited to need running shorts again, physically, there's really no other way to say this... but i looked sick.

i had no muscle, i barely could eat, and my hip bones jutted out (how feminine, right?).

so when i bought the infamous shorts, they fit fine... for my body that was BARELY hanging on to "health."

thank God i don't look sickly anymore. i've put my nose to the grindstone, exercised faithfully, eaten well, been patient, yada yada, all that good stuff.

and you know what? i've gained muscle back. i'm much, much healthier, body-wise. healthier than i was before the fibro, actually.

but now, the shorts don't fit. do i really want them to fit again? not at all!

the shorts aren't just shorts - they stand for a time in my life where my health was completely defeating me. i didn't get out of bed, except to pee. i ate one or two meals a day, because i was too tired to eat (i have NEVER felt that way before... EVER!). i slept more hours than i was awake. i was depressed and falling apart.

but the problem is... i always forget they don't fit. they aren't really too small, they just make me feel gross. they hit at a really unflattering place, so i am crazy self-conscious in them.

and i've had it.

i don't deserve to have to struggle with negative self-talk every time i'm getting ready to go do something GOOD for my body.

that's just messed up. i'm going to RUN, for goodness sakes! after my journey over the last year, the sheer fact that i can even WALK is incredible, and should be a celebration everytime i get dressed.

some days, i feel proud of my body, put on the dreaded shorts, and suddenly, i magically transform into a fat cow. because the shorts can do that, you know. 

well, enough. i'm donating the shorts today. i'm done with them. all they bring is frustration in my life. and they were $9.99 - it's not like i'm throwing away some Prada.

but honestly, even if it was Prada, i deserve to feel strong, beautiful, and responsible every single day of my life.

do you have clothes in your closet that you avoid?

have you thrown out clothes that make you feel fat?

how do you deal with weight gain?

-rebekah