Aug 2, 2010

makin' the chop: why i cut my hair.

hey doodle-bugs! hope your weeks are kickin' off right.

i've been quite productive today, actually. got a great run in this morning, worked in the kitchen a bit, and sorted through my closet to see what i have to wear "back to school."

yes, i am five. where's my pocket protector, and which bus do i ride?

oh, and p.s. - last night, i had the ingenius revelation to make my fresh salsa in the food processor. it usually takes about 30 minutes chopping by hand, and last night it took... five. i'm kicking myself.


i thought i'd address something i get questions about all the time: my hair.

all through high school, i had super looooong, curly hair halfway down my back. it was my signature. it was larger than life, resided in it's own zip code, and possessed a distinct personality.

i was hyper-insecure about my body, but was convinced i could hide behind my hair. i felt safe wearing it as my mask: at least if i hated everything else about myself, my hair was bangin'. every compliment i ever got was about my curls. 

so why did i cut it all off? good question.

why i chopped off my hair, and what i learned from it.

honestly? i cut my hair because i was ready for a change. a big one.

i had just broken up with my high school sweetheart, lived in a new town, started at a new college, and was making new friends. i wasn't the same girl as i was in high school, for better or worse, and i was ready to show it.

so the inches came off. at first, i was absolutely terrified. no longer could i hide my body (not that hair is an effective veil anyways)... what you saw was what you got. no BS.

for a while, i felt ugly, loathed it, regretted it, and then i realized - this is who i'm meant to be.

i'm not a diva, and i don't do high-maintanence. the long barbie hair was not my personality, not at all. and no offense to those with long, beautiful hair (gorgeous!), but honestly, every girl you see has long hair. they all look the same. shake it up a bit, ya know?

the surprise? cutting my hair was my "tipping point." i realized i had been pretending to be someone else for far too long. i dressed, spoke, and acted how i thought others expected me to, and couldn't ever just be myself! after that hair appointment, i decided i would never put myself through that again.

what started as a simple trim turned into what i so desperately need: a kick-start towards self-acceptance.

i've sinced realized many things about myself; some scary, and some thrilling. i'm not a girly girl. i don't like wearing a lot of make-up. i actually have pretty nice eyelashes. my body is just fine, without the curly veil. i'm not ugly. shockingly, i can run. i like tattoos, and can't wait to get more. i have muscles and curves. i'm constantly amazed by my body's changes.

and i'm proud of it. all of it. those things make me unique, and i wouldn't have uncovered any of them if i hadn't decided to just. be. me.

i love who i am, short hair and all. do you?

what "body security blanket" are you holding on to?
what's unique you love about yourself?


  1. ooooooooooh-this was so good :) i love your hair, too!
    back in '98 i got my hair cut into a winona ryder pixie and cried so hard when i left the salon. i was mortified.
    but, our AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL God totally knew how to comfort me.
    after i sat in my car and cried it out, i composed myself and started driving out of the parking lot. an older couple walked by and the guy said, "wow-you have really nice hair!"
    i was like, whoa. how weird was that?
    anyway, i too, am no diva. i rarely wear makeup. how rare? a couple months ago i wore a very little and my 6 year old, said, "mommy-what's on your face?!"
    my unique features are an uber long neck. people think i'm kidding when i say i get alot of my height from my neck. i really do! :)
    also, i have middle eastern features. i used to live with a jewish family as their nanny and i fit right in!
    body security blanket....hmmmm....i'll have to think about that one. good question ;)

  2. Girl, I'm constantly blown away by the confidence that you have in yourself. Really; it's amazing. I strive for that level of self-acceptance, but I'm still working my way through a lot of insecurities. My hair is a big time security blanket for me. I've had long hair since... well... for my whole life actually, and although sometimes I think it would be awesome to chop it off and go for something short, I always chicken out. Maybe someday I'll work up the courage... I bet it would be really empowering.

    The thing I love about myself is my freckles... I used to really hate them when I was younger, but now I totally see that the light dusting I have on my nose compliments my personality perfectly. God sure does know what He's doing...

  3. That's so cool!!! I'm so amazed at your self confidence! I love it :)

  4. I always love when I see women with shorthair. I want to give them a high five for having the balls to do something different!

    I consider my hair sort o flong right now--it's not even shoulder length, but I may be cutting it a bit shorter soon.

  5. Woah my hair experience is eerily similar! I had longish hair until I started to recover from my ED, and decided to get a pixie crop. For me it symbolised a new start and the rebel within me :-)

    I love your hair!

    Sarah x

  6. Rebekah - thank you for sharing your experiences. And, gosh - you are so beautiful. You have the most vibrant face, so much passion and expression.
    Ï love your attitude towards yourself. And I love the impact it has on other people as well, visitng your blog is a sure way to look at yourself in a better perspective. Let us work together to see ourself with loving eyes. We do not need to hide behind anything, as every piece of us is great.

    I am not sure if I have any "security blanket". I am not, and have never been, the doll. Never used very much make-up, nor spend more than 10 minutes infront of the mirror every day. Perhaps you can call my eating disorder a "security blanket" though, as it provided me with a sense of uniqueness and greatness. Those days are over, because I am unique and great the way Nature created me. Not the way ED destroyed me.

    I love my eyes with all their colours and beautiful mess. And I love that I only have one dimple, because that makes it stand out even more.

  7. I love your short hair, Rebekah! It definitely suits you and I love how you're able to discover more and more about who you are. A couple years ago I cut my hair pretty short, not as short as yours but still shorter than most girls ever go. It was scary.. and it was fun! Since then I've let it grow out but I still sometimes consider chopping it all off again. Maybe one day.. when I get sick of my hair again. ;)

    I'm definitely starting to love who I am! I've found that eating clean helps SO much. I wish more people could love themselves because it is seriously one of the greatest feelings in the world.

  8. love this it is a great post, people should not be defined by their hair.I love short and cute bobsy hair like yours!!! I would love to have short hair but do no know how I would look or if i could pull it off. I just got a haircut and got angles and layers and my bangs cut, my hair is medium-long. I am so not high-maintenance either, my hair is usually in a ponytail or bun, no makeup just tinted moisturizer for my signature glow. I love it when natalie portman had short hair.

  9. Like everyone else has already said - I am always in awe of your confidence :) Annnd, you know I am in love with your short hair. I can attest to having my hair as a security blanket, too. But just wearing it up makes me feel more ... I don't know, vulnerable? noticeable? I also tend to wear hoodies. Granted, they're fitted, cute (to me) hoodies and it's always cold when I am - but I think part of it is also hiding in it.

  10. i love the things you do and say!!!! your so brave and like hey world look out!!! love it!!! :)

  11. I LOVE SHORT HAIR! & the fact that everywhere I go, people are sharing their hair story & it reveals a lot and it's just wonderful. it's not "just hair".

    I love that I am ... me. :]

  12. also, I LOVE...
    that you are YOU. :)

  13. you know i LOVE your short hair but i dont mind saying again, SIMPLE STUNNING

  14. Hey girl! Major catching up. Kudos to you for so many things. I love how you continue to reflect and grow. And share these points with us! There are a lot of things that we can all relate to, and I think starting conversation is so important in part of the growth.

    All of these self-realizations you've made after cutting your hair are great! You do have a lot to offer and you definitely don't need a head full of hair to prove it. I admit that I usually wear my hair down because my skin isn't really very nice. But now that I'm working on strengthening my liver (what I believe is the root cause of my skin problems), I notice that my skin has been getting noticeably better. I can't wait to wear my hair in different styles.. like up in a cute loose bun, or French braids. I know it's silly, and really I can wear those things anytime. Like if I go to the gym or if my outfit just looks better with a ponytail then I'll do it, but I'm not as 110% confident as I usually am. I know that a lot of girls have soft skin, and I love mine :) I also love that it's hard for me to ever smell bad lol. It's funny, but my friend was like.. yeah I don't think you've ever smelled bad. And there have been days where I had sweat and gotten chemicals and sawdust on me. Who knows?

    XOXO take care

    p.s. yesterday I was doing yoga and I got excited about taking the classes at the VCU gym again. THEN I thought of how awesome it is that you're going to the same school! I can't wait :D Oh and I get back up to Richmond I believe in 2 weeks.

  15. you guys are absolutely as sweet as can be. thank you so much for your compliments, honesty, and bravery!!!

  16. You are so brave! I cut my hair short this spring and of course hated it. I couldn't wait for my hair to get longer.

  17. I'm so in love with your hair. And as I'm typing this I'm waiting for my hair to air dry after I've done a hot oil coconut oil treatment, washed it, conditioned it, delicately combed it, and applied a heat protectant before blow drying it for about 15 seconds to smooth the breakage. It's still drying into a sad, sad looking poof :(. It all feels like such a waste of time because I'm more than stupid hair.
    I could never rock your haircut but I admire it so much! And your tattoos. Aw you're just a kick ass girl.

  18. Wow. I can relate to so much of what you said. I have long curly hair and always get complimented on it, though I usually see it as a pain in the butt. I sometimes say that I am a low maintenance girl born with far too high maintenance hair. I have been wanting to get a pixie hair cut for a while now but have been afraid to. You have totally inspired me to take the plunge. I am also recovering from an ED and your posts on body image totally rock.


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