some comments that really stood out to me:
Dana's honesty about the fact that we DO get treated differently all dolled up, but true confidence comes from within. amen sister!
Ayla totally owning that she IS pretty without it, and wishes it hadn't been invented because of how it's impacted us.
Katie asking herself if she feels acceptable without it... ohh that got me thinkin, girl.
Hedda pointing out that we can RELAX and be ourselves without it, seeing who are real friends are. so, so true!
Mo stating she feels wearing make-up is expected, so we do. interesting!
and many, many others! thanks again, everyone, for your incredible input!
my thoughts:
i've gotta go get ready to meet someone for tea, so this is a quick-fire version of my thoughts, uncensored. you've been warned!
personally, i've struggled with feeling physically unacceptable for most of my life, and make-up definitely played a part. i have chronic rosacea that for years left my skin blotchy, red, inflamed, and burning. when i looked in the mirror, it was all i saw! people would ask my if i had just been running, or if i was embarrassed. i hated my skin, so when i got old enough, i accepted that i was doomed to cover it for the rest of my life to feel pretty. this was probably around age 15.
since then, i've learned a few things about managing rosacea, but more importantly, i've learned about myself. quitting dairy and processed foods has made a huge difference in the blotchiness, but that's really quite minor in my eyes. in the last few years, i started digging deeper into why i felt the need to cover myself with a mask - why wasn't i acceptable without it, red skin and all?
i know plenty of my issues stemmed from dating a guy who wouldn't hang out with me unless i was in full make-up (yes, he was a keeper... NOT). but really, i wouldn't have listened to him unless i had already believed he was right. honestly, i agreed with him - showing my "flaw" to the world must not have been ok, so i hid behind a layer of foundation day in, day out... even in my dorm room!
the truth is, we all have flaws. it's called being a HUMAN BEING. and our "flaws" are what make us different. i know it's cheesy and we hear it all the time, but do you really believe it? really? and honestly, who was to say that their skin without rosacea was any more acceptable that mine with it? did it make me any less of a person? i think not (you could sub acne here, if that's your struggle).
once i realized that i was just as valuable, flaws and all, i started to relax. i realized that without make-up, you could see who i really was... and shockingly, i was alright! i have some pretty unique navy blue eyes, hair with a mind of it's own, and albino-white skin with a smattering of freckles. when i donned the daily mask, all these things were lost... and consequently, my identity was, too.
does this mean i think make-up is evil? surely not. i still enjoy swiping some mascara on my blonde eyelashes and feeling dramatic and flirty. i still use some shimmer powder to minimize the fibro/fatigue look from my eyes because, well, i get tired of looking tired. and i certainly don't think perfume is evil.
i guess i had to learn what make-up stood for in my eyes. i HAD to own that i was beautiful, unique, and acceptable without it before i could truly benefit from wearing it. and for the love of chocolate, i will beat up any guy who tries to tell another girl to just "put some make-up on." how about i just put my fist in your stomach???
in my opinion, some red flags to watch out for:
- do you feel less beautiful without it?
- do you feel there are situations you have to wear it?
- are you self-conscious without it?
- can you not go to the store, on a date, or in public without it?
- can you take a compliment when you don't wear it?
- are you not "yourself" without your face on?
- do you think other people/men will judge you or dismiss you without it?
if so, you may want to dig a little deeper. what's behind these feelings, and what can you do about it?
just my thoughts... agree/disagree?
-r
woo for make-up I never wear any!! lip gloss/chapstick once in a while, tinted moisturizer&blush(i'm a pale mo'effing chick) once in a blue moon. I agree alot of people hide behind makeup.
ReplyDeleteI think I've worn makeup about 3 times in the past year.....and very little when i do. One time my 6 year old said,
ReplyDelete"Mommy! What is on your face!?"
I said, "makeup."
She said, "what's makeup?"
I had a hard time answering that, because it's basically what we put on our faces to make us look "better".
The first time I met my husband, it was 5:45 am and I had no makeup on and my wet hair pulled back into a ponytail. He asked me out 12 hours later :)
There's alot to be said for looking/being natural. I think it makes women more approachable an relatable.
It took me a long time to be confident enough to not wear it on a regular basis. And I've had more compliments than ever since I did stop wearing it regularly.
good questions. in high school, i would never have been caught dead without any makeup but as the years went on, so did my lack of self confidence. i do wear a little makeup now to enhance the parts of me i like the most (eyes/lips) but i let my face breathe! my husband actually loathes to overly made up look (he calls it the tranny or the raccoon look) he loves me with or without it and probably prefers kissing a non lipsticked mouth! we are perfectly loveable without a ton of products on our faces!
ReplyDeleteI don't feel less beautiful without it but sometimes I can be a bit self-conscious. I'm noticing though that the more hold I get on my ED, the less self-conscious I am without makeup. I've gotten so much better than I was a few years ago. Back in the early and middle stages of high school I wouldn't be caught dead without a crapload of eyeliner and mascara, then in grade 12 I started going to school makeupless on some days. Heck, I went to school without makeup and still in my pajamas. Haha.
ReplyDeleteWhile I can easily go to the store or out in public without it, I'm not so sure about going on a date without it. Maybe if it was the 4th date or something but not the first few times. Some of that might have something to do with confidence but for me, a lot of it has to do with the fact that I really like getting dressed up when I have the opportunity to. Living in a small town and mainly working means I don't get to really go all out so when I get the chance to, I do.
I DO think that some people judge women for not wearing makeup but you know what? They can just deal because they obviously aren't worth our time. For me personally, I know that whenever I see a woman going without makeup I feel admiration for her and think she's absolutely beautiful.
I think your thoughts and ideas are spot-on. Especially when you wrote that before you can really enjoy wearing make-up - before you can truly be doing it for yourself and no one else - you need to own your beauty without it. That's so important, I think.
ReplyDeleteLove these posts! :)
I am late to the party, but I'm not a big makeup girl. I never really learned how to use it properly or felt liked I looked good with a full face of it which I guess is a blessing. I'm with you though - a lashful of mascara and a little undereye concealer make me feel a bit more confident going about my day.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was little I always remember my Mum putting on lipstick, but nothing else. When we're teenagers, or when we get to an 'acceptable' age to wear makeup, we go crazy because it's new, and that's what the magazines say is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSince then, I've somewhat come to terms with who I am without makeup, though I don't leave the house without it on. It's a secutiry blanket in some ways, and in others it's a confidence booster.
I have yet to completely kick my need for make up, but I have gone days without wearing anything on my face, and strangely enough I've been okay with that.
I think my problem is not overdoing my makeup, but actually getting myself to put some on! Haha! In school I did a lot more, and I liked experimenting with different things and ways of using it, but now it's all just a hassel!
ReplyDeletePlus years of having to do stage makeup for dance, just kinda makes me appreciate letting my face breathe a little now! :)
I love this post SO much Rebekah! I missed the last one, but I will just put my two cents here for what it's worth :P
ReplyDeleteI went through a phase (shockingly, my eating disorder phase) where I couldn't leave the house without make up. I didn't think anything of it at the time but now I realize that my self-esteem was in the toilet. I actually started getting really bad acne, because I was wearing so much make-up everyday and not allowing my skin to breathe at all. Finally, I just stopped wearing it because my acne got so bad and it was an attempt to clear it up. I can't believe that I went so long doing something that actually caused me physical pain (yea okay, pimples don't really qualify as 'physical pain' but work with me here) just in the name of being accepted. It was really, REALLY hard at first to let it go - I felt insecure, ugly, unacceptable, and everything else in the book... but after awhile of seeing the real me staring back at me in the mirror, I started to feel better about myself.
I rarely wear it now, but I think I probably would wear just a little if I was in school every day. I don't think make-up is evil or anything, but I don't think it should be used as something to hide behind either.
<3 Tat
ps.. sorry for such a long response!
yea the warning signs are great to 'compass' people into finding out the reasons for wearing makeup. just like many things, it can become a crutch and without it many girls definitely feel naked and ugly. maybe it stems from a time when they wore make up and someone told them they looked better..or possibly their mom modeled that for them.. so many different things- media or not. its funny cuz it affected women wayyyy wayy back too. i remember my mom telling me that her mom used to force her to wear makeup. the quotes "u'll look more beautiful" or "it hurts to be beautiful" were always mentioned. thankfully my mom didnt want that for me and really emphasized the importance of makeup as a "fun tool or decoration" to play with. just like a fancy dress, u wouldnt wear it everyday, just on special occassions ;)
ReplyDeleteXOXO
I am ok without make up. I do wear it at work as I work in a professional enviroment and I think it is important. I don't think of it as covering up, I think of it as polishing what is already beautiful.
ReplyDelete